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HIV Life >> Gay Men

Pages: 1
Bbi
Member

Reged: 01/03/11
Posts: 10
Loc: Atlanta
Meeting someone first time since diagnosed
      #253924 - 01/16/11 08:08 PM

I got infected 3 months ago and started treatment 3 weeks ago. I've been single for 9 years and now that I am POZ I want another partner. I have met someone I like who hasn't been tested in 2 years and admits he has had some unsafe sex during the last couple of years. He has clearly stated he has no issue with me being POZ and that we can discuss having safe sex but he believes since I am in treatment and he
is 'top' and me passive the risk to him is minimal.
I think if we get involved it is going to be without condoms.
Is this completely foolish?

--------------------
Recently diagnosed. Started treatment 79 days after infection. I'm being very private about it.

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pozrunner
Member

Reged: 12/16/10
Posts: 22
Re: Meeting someone first time since diagnosed new
      #253928 - 01/17/11 07:51 AM

My personal feeling is that it would not be fair to either of you if you do not practice safer sex. Firstly he needs to determine his status and although you are on treatment you are not sure of your Viral Load and that is only indicative of what is happening in your blood and not other body fluids. The fact that he is the top does place him at less risk but does not by any means mean that he is safe. If he has been practising unsafe sex you have no idea whether or not he has other STD's and the last thing that you want with your HIV now is to contract something like Hep B or C or any other STD for that matter.
Obviously you are both adults so you can make your own decisions, but if it were me and I were the bottom and knew that my partner had multiple partners and indulged in unsafe sex I would prefer to have him use condoms. I have been in a relationship for nearly two years now and thank goodness we have always used condoms because I was poz at the time we met and did not know it, he is fortunately still negative thanks to having practiced safer sex. I know that there are some studies now coming out that state if your VL is undetectable that you are not at risk of spreading the disease but I think it is still too early to say and apart from that it is about protecting yourself too.
Finally, the last thing you want is to have to face the wrath of this man when he does contract the disease and he blames you for it. Ultimately you need to take care of yourself irrespective of the risks that he wishes to take in life!!

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30/11/2010 VL 216 006 CD4 216
Started Atripla Mon 13/12/2010

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trulife
Fanatic

Reged: 12/01/10
Posts: 69
Loc: South
Re: Meeting someone first time since diagnosed new
      #253929 - 01/17/11 08:58 AM

First of all I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I was diagnosed in Sept 2009 and on meds and doing very well. To address your post...I would not recommend having unprotected sex with anybody. Obviously, you know what can happen when we do trust others or make certain decisions to go unprotected, but now that you do know the consequences, why would you put yourself or someone else at risk. Just because you are positive and taking meds doesn't mean that you cannot pass it on, contract another disease or even a super infection of HIV which may be untreatable. Also, you really don't want the guilt from knowingly passing this virus onto another person. Regarding his position as the "top", does not make him immune to getting infected with HIV or anything else. Regardless of his position or his opinion, it is critical for you to take care of yourself so that you can live a long and healthy life. Remember that you can have a wonderful, loving relationship or sex life while protecting both people involved. While this virus is not easy to live with everyday, we are blessed to know what we are dealing with and we can make educated and informed decisions to live better and to not impact someone elses life the way ours was affected. Most importantly, think of yourself and your health. Good luck and live life true.

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Bbi
Member

Reged: 01/03/11
Posts: 10
Loc: Atlanta
Re: Meeting someone first time since diagnosed new
      #253936 - 01/17/11 03:41 PM

thanks for your opinion. it has made me think about my very fortunate circumstances dealing with HIV. I got diagnosed very early on, have complete health care coverage and an HIV specialist doctor who put me on treatment right away. I have had no side effects so far, one month into it. I am emotionally dealing with it quite well. I have told only 2 dearest friends and limit my conversation to online 'anonymous' conversations like this; my theory is to not become obsessed and focus on the parts and people of my life I enjoy. As a result I haven't experienced any 'pain' from becoming POZ other than the initial seroconversion 2 weeks of fever, sweats and rash.
I guess I shouldn't allow myself the luxury of thinking living with HIV is not horrific, but instead I should get a different attitude and realize this is a terrible and vulnerable situation I am now in.

--------------------
Recently diagnosed. Started treatment 79 days after infection. I'm being very private about it.

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Bbi
Member

Reged: 01/03/11
Posts: 10
Loc: Atlanta
Re: Meeting someone first time since diagnosed new
      #253937 - 01/17/11 04:03 PM

thanks. your post has me thinking about something.
I haven't told the man who infected me that he is POZ. I think he doesn't know it. This man showed up at the door of a friend who I was in the bedroom with at the time and joined us in the bed. I was in a vulnerable situation unfortunately. However your post reminds me I haven't told my friend about his friend infecting me because I fear his wrath.
I fear he will say I am accusatory and that I can't possibly know who infected me.
The man I am interested in having a relationship with now, like you say, may think he will not get infected by me but if he does, who knows how he will react.

--------------------
Recently diagnosed. Started treatment 79 days after infection. I'm being very private about it.

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pozrunner
Member

Reged: 12/16/10
Posts: 22
Re: Meeting someone first time since diagnosed new
      #253941 - 01/17/11 08:29 PM

Glad to hear that you are doing so well, it is really up to you to look after yourself and realize the consequences of unprotected sex. Also my personal opinion is that it would only be fair to tell the person involved or your friend that you were with at the time that you are positive and that you think that is where you contracted it, without being accusatory at all. It is in their best interest to get to know their status as soon as possible, to get help themselves if they are positive and secondly to realize that they don't continue to spread the disease if they have it. I would think that it is your moral obligation to help someone out in this situation and educate them if you know and understand better.
Good luck!

--------------------
30/11/2010 VL 216 006 CD4 216
Started Atripla Mon 13/12/2010

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