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jp2626
Newbie

Reged: 05/25/10
Posts: 7
this shit blows, depressed
      #252190 - 09/22/10 03:45 PM

aight some i tested positive in may 5 months later still working out the details on meds and what not, and still trying to wrap my head around this. Im sure i will being doing that forever but life goes on yada yada yada. So numbers and good, looking to get on meds but then there is life and men. Will i be single forever, thats what i feel like, how could i burden someone else with this pain i am feeling, i go out and meet others and want to date but this rain cloud over head is weighing on me. Only two people in my life know about my infection, when do you tell others, or ones you aer interested in, or i feel as if i shouldn't even pursue something other than a friendship ugh,

sorry for the ranting and thanks for being here.
jp

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cekchuck
Newbie

Reged: 09/28/10
Posts: 2
Re: this shit blows, depressed new
      #252309 - 09/28/10 01:36 PM

Hi JP -

Sorry to hear that you are struggling with your status. First let me say that that is common, and most of us have gone through it. I have been positive for 9 years and have had one long term ( > 1 year) relationship, several couple month relationships, and lot's of dates. I've dated both pos and negative guys. You will get through this, and you will date again.

You will date again, but I would recommend getting support for dealing with your HIV first. Becoming pos, like many other ailments or conditions is soooo much easier to deal with by talking with people who have gone through the same thing. I was a member of an LA Shanti support group (no longer around, but other programs like it are) for a couple years after I first tested pos, and also had a regular pos focused 12 step meeting that I went to.

I choose to be fairly open about my status, but that is my choice. For me it eliminates the power the fear of people finding out had. I always disclose my status early in the dating process, before sex. The rejection stills stings when people can't deal with it, but I'd rather know early than make a huge emotional investment before facing that rejection. There are a lot of negative guys who have no issues with being in a relationship with a positive guy.

Hope that helps.

Regards,
Chuck

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DJones
All Star

Reged: 04/02/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Milwaukee Wisconsin
Re: this shit blows, depressed new
      #252312 - 09/28/10 03:38 PM

It is difficult to deal with HIV on a daily basis. I can not comment on dating because I have been with my HIV- partner for over 20 years. With that said, he has stood by me and our relationship is stronger now than it was prior to me finding out I was HIV+ January 2009. So, yes, it is possible to have a long term relationship with an HIV- person. I created a blog the day I found out I was positive. You can check out my highs and lows at my blog link below. You are not alone and will find someone to love you. I know this also because I have friends that are HIV+ and have HIV- partners. Remember, sex is not the only thing that keeps a relationship together.
Stay strong and feel free to write me via email anytime.
Dave

--------------------
http://daveslifelivingwithhiv.blogspot.com/

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Superhero
Newbie

Reged: 11/23/09
Posts: 2
Re: this shit blows, depressed new
      #252314 - 09/28/10 03:45 PM

Yes, this shit blows. Where do you live? I would suspect depending on where you live, there are plenty of eligible HIV+ men or HIV- men who date HIV+ men. I live in Los Angeles so there is a ton of support for the HIV community and plenty of men looking to date men whether negative or positive. It's really about communication. Yes it sucks and being negative would be preferable but you must get support around it so you can deal with it because...well...you have to. And then if you really do the footwork I guarantee you will find plenty of men to date. And if someone doesn't want to date you because of your status then why would you bother chasing him?
It's hard to deal with but it takes practice and support. We live in a community where HIV has become a part of our culture and acceptance of yourself is the real key to being with the right man or friends. Your newly diagnosed as well so these are things we all go through. Get out and live each day to it's fullest, stop beating yourself up and for gods sake get some mental health support - you are not alone. Hope this helps!

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livingpositivesd
Newbie

Reged: 09/28/10
Posts: 1
Re: this shit blows, depressed new
      #252315 - 09/28/10 04:51 PM

hello, i can certainly identify how you feel. i just found out that I'm positive 2 months ago. the very first few weeks, cannot deny were rough. most of the times i felt i was carrying a scarlet letter, but deep down inside i knew that i'm not alone on this new journey, so i decided to look for help.

within the first week my dr and I, we took the first steps to determine the stage of the condition (although we knew it had to be within the last 4 months due to previous negative results) and after results decided to go on meds (vl 33K and Tcells 299). but you are already on this and know your next steps. and that is what i called the body front - checked!

now for the most important one: you and your mental check. I can only suggested you or tell you what I did. personally i'm not a fan of support groups, they do work but i wanted 1:1 time. so through my employer’s eap (totally confidential) I found a therapist with experience on this. i made and almost emergency appointment with her and started seeing her (that was in week 3 after finding out). if you don't have access to an eap program, hopefully your community has a lgbt center and most offer 1:1 or group support for recently diagnosed individuals, whatever you choose or can find: Use it buddy! Also, talk to your closest / best friends; they are and will be your support system on the journey! but as a suggestion: if they are negative make sure you can answer their questions and re-assure them that you will be fine physically and mentally too! that I did after my first therapy session. It felt liberating and started to make me realize that life will continue and that the potential partner (s) is out there and will be able to handle it. i look at it from this perspective: is nothing different than when you were negative. now: in my case i have a + sign next to me, which i have started to realize is not that bad as i thought in the first 2 weeks. and that is how you can take care of the mental front. But only you can say – Checked!

about telling others (potential daters as I call it): is up to you. like a previous person mentioned I prefer to be honest and open about it, and i have done it. so far it has been good.

just make sure you find and use the tools and resources that are available to help you cope with this and be strong, the rest will fall in its place!


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jp2626
Newbie

Reged: 05/25/10
Posts: 7
Re: this shit blows, depressed new
      #252615 - 10/21/10 01:33 AM

thanks a lot, deep breaths right

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jp2626
Newbie

Reged: 05/25/10
Posts: 7
Re: this shit blows, depressed new
      #252616 - 10/21/10 01:36 AM

thank you, def lookin into the mental health part, becasue talking to myself over and over again only gets me in this circle

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jp2626
Newbie

Reged: 05/25/10
Posts: 7
Re: this shit blows, depressed new
      #252617 - 10/21/10 01:38 AM

will look into your blog

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