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Hi_Im_Jason
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Reged: 06/08/09
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Posts: 16
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Loc: Was UK now Australia
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Closet dwellers. What makes us tick?
#246269 - 06/23/09 07:25 PM
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Thanks to all the people that read and responded to my post. It gives me great comfort to know that this is a place I can express myself and get constructive feedback. The forum is also a place I can come to when I want to belong!
Whether we spend our lives in one closet or another, the loneliness of feeling rejected ( or anticipating rejection)for what we believe in or what our preferences are is a burden we carry apart from this infection we have in common.
I have had some very warm and supportive correspondence from the forum group and feel I’m on the verge of forming some good friendships that can help me to open up for perhaps the first time ever and not be judged. I hope that the friendships I form also help others that perhaps share with me a lot of common ground.
Even going to a shrink has its own drawbacks for me as I always feel I should try and present myself as others want to see me (Low self esteem). This doesn’t help me because the shrink never gets to see the real me. This is perhaps a symptom of not wanting to be found out that is so ingrained in my mind it prevent me helping myself.
I would be interested to hear from other closet dwellers (past and present) that might have some insight into what makes us tick. I’m sure that we have more in common than the obvious.
Anyway enough of that deep stuff.
Keep well
Jason
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vejgeta9
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Reged: 11/15/08
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Posts: 23
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Loc: Phoenix, Az
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For me, it was really hard because I am black. I,too, tried a shrink and it got me nowhere. I felt alone for a long time and was reclusive because of it. But now I'm 30, have a great partner, and best of all my parents know. My mom says that I only have to answer to God, fuck the rest!
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good advice from mom vjgeta9, this is your one life livie it the best you can. To thine ownself be true.. D
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Matthew61
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Reged: 07/23/09
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Posts: 2
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Loc: California
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Hello Jason,
I've struggled some having lived in one closet or another most of my life. I think that I can speak to the loneliness therein that you describe in your post.
The process to come out of the closet has been a slow and sometimes grueling effort but I am glad that I had decided to attempt an exit, though not always totally out 100% of the time.
Since trust has always been a big obstacle for me it has been important for me to surround myself with those that I feel that I could trust. I've had to be selective in choosing friends and family that I wanted to trust. Also, important in that process was seeking out and finding a good therapist that helped me find out about myself.
Finding out that I was also HIV+ has helped me focus on making better choices in life. Really it all started with the notion that I have the strength within myself to make changes for a better and more fulfilling existence.
Best regards,
Matt
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