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HIV Life >> Gay Men

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New User

Reged: 04/19/09
Posts: 1
Loc: columbus ohio
Positive and Negative?
      #245429 - 04/19/09 12:29 AM

Hey I am new to this site as of today. I am a 40 year old gay male that has been positive for 12 years. I do not get into how I first came in contact with it because it takes two. And I am one of those two. I am very open about my status, sometimes maybe to open. I did find out however that there are those friends out there that dont care about status. I have a best friend of 8 years that I am in love with. We have been on and off more on then off over the past 8 years and I see a future with him. I am not sure if I am asking too much of him or not. I am looking to find support in this. He will be back in the area at the end of the year and I cant wait to see him again. At that time I want to start working on the future, but I am scared that I may be putting too much on his shoulders. Is there anyone out there that can help me.

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New User

Reged: 03/23/09
Posts: 9
Re: Positive and Negative? new
      #245444 - 04/20/09 11:48 AM

Everything is individual. For the right negative individual, your status won't matter and you will not be putting too much on that person's shoulders. Clearly, your friend knows your status and has been a friend for 8 years, so it does not seem to me that you would be putting too much on his shoulders.

However, may I ask why your relationship has been "on and off"? Is there more than just friendship from his side?

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New User

Reged: 04/14/09
Posts: 11
Loc: United States
Re: Positive and Negative? new
      #245493 - 04/23/09 02:37 AM

Not by any means wishing to sound trite or demean this, because I would think of nothing of the kind, and have read that many a sero-discordant couple does quite well. Certainly there is a greater joint responsibility, but here's the's the right of both men to decide if this is what they want, whom they want. Should I fall in love with an HIV neg man who falls in love with me, shouldn't I let him live his life of loving me, and me loving him, if he so chooses? When you think of it that way, it makes sense.

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New User

Reged: 07/18/08
Posts: 4
Loc: Kingston, TN, USA
Re: Positive and Negative? new
      #245508 - 04/23/09 07:53 PM

Dear Roger,

First of all, I would like to say that I have a negative/positive male couple that I know, that have been together for almost 20 years. And Steve is still negative. And I also have a male/female couple that is mixed status and he is still negative. So it can be done. And I am sure there must be other mixed status couples out there that are dealing with this. So I would think that your partner is the one that should be the one to decide if he can deal with it, or not. Whether you can deal with it, or not, is your choice. But if the person who is actually at risk is willing to accept the risk, with full faith and knowledge, of what he is getting into, then you should be able to deal with it. But, as a long-time survivor, I have never been with but one negative person. And the relationship didn't last very long. I don't think it had anything to do with the mixed status. I'm not sure I could (or would be able to) deal with the burden on MY shoulders. I think a long, hard talk is needed. Be open & honest and tell him EVERYTHING that is on your mind about this. And listen intently when he does the same. Then go from there. This is something that BOTH sides have to deal with. So sit and talk it out and let BOTH sides make the decision.

Hope this helps,

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New User

Reged: 04/29/09
Posts: 1
Re: Positive and Negative? new
      #245592 - 04/29/09 10:06 AM

Hey Roger - I understand how you feel. I've been poz 5 years and in relationship with great guy for almost 5 years who is negative. He's a wonderful guy who apparently doesn't obsess over my status. He gets tested every 6 months, we practice pretty safe sex and yes, sometimes I feel guilty for the burden I know must weigh on him at times. However, he seems to cope fine - stresses about it less than I do - and we've been able to have a very normal relationship.

I'd encourage you to reach out to the guy - nothing ventured nothing gained - and we each have to make our own decisions in this area. So let the decision to be with you, be his decision - not yours. Don't place limitations on yourself - and the best of luck to you!


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