|
PondersLife
|
|
Newbie
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 09/07/07
|
|
Posts: 5
|
|
Loc: Tampa, Florida USA
|
|
When is it right to tell someone your dating
#230770 - 09/12/07 05:03 PM
|
Reply
|
Quote
|
|
|
Hi Guys!! I would like to find out everyone's opinion on when is a good time to tell someone who your dating and/or interested in..I have been single now for 7 years, since I found out I'm +, recently I've started going back out to the clubs and such and as a side effect of that people are starting to ask me out. So not only do I have to deal with the fact that I haven't been on a date in 7 years, I have my little friend to deal with. So, if I decide to go out with someone (I've turned everyone down so far) do I just tell them on day one so its out there or wait to see if we even click. I want to add that no one I know is aware that I am pos...I've been on meds for 7 years and numbers are great! I'm torn between telling them up front and having them freak out and tell everyone in town and waiting but then having them fall for me and then I've hurt them...not sure if I'm making sense here so I'm sorry if I'm just rambling...LOL
Post Extras:
|
|
Wishing
|
|
Newbie
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 09/11/07
|
|
Posts: 4
|
|
Loc: Grayson County, Texas
|
|
|
I found out I was positive in1986 and it changed my whole life. I trusted a couple of people and most let me down. I had to get strong and mentally healthy fo my sake and the future I was going to have.
I don't share it with everyone now, but I do let people know as the shame is gone especially with my gay friends. Don't share with people it isn't going to affect. If you tell someone you are dating right off, you can keep from wasting your time if they are going to reject you, their loss, and their time if they can't handle it. I personally feel the need to tell as I wouldn't want to put anyone through the hell I had to go through when I found out and would never consider sex without protection for both peoples sake.
I don't date much and would love to, but I have set my standard higha and want someone who is at least on the same level mentally, spiritually and emotionally as I am. I may die alone, but I will be on my terms and by my choice.
Good luck. Hope you can find a special somone to share your life with. Write back to "wishing" if youever want to.
Post Extras:
|
|
vokz
|
|
Grand Master
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 09/06/07
|
|
Posts: 164
|
|
Loc: London, UK
|
|
|
There is no easy answer.
Many will argue that it is better to disclose early, so that any potential rejection hurts less .. whilst others will say that it is best to wait and hope that they will grow to like you sufficiently that they can see past the HIV.
Disclosing too early may scare some people away .. but then again, not disclosing early can create the impression that you do not trust.
Ultimately, as long as you do everything you can to protect them from the risk of infection; I do not think that anyone can tell you what is right or wrong.
Personally I am pretty open about my status and work on the basis that rejection, on any level, by someone I don’t know hurts me a lot less than rejection by someone I like .. and also the fact that I can do without the stress of worrying when to disclose.
Post Extras:
|
|
Survivor
|
|
Legend
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 10/30/05
|
|
Posts: 3256
|
|
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
|
|
|
I am very greatful I was in a relationship when i found out. This whole disclosure/relationship shit sounds like a nightmare... If I were single, I would let them know very close to up front so I dont invest my time with an asshole.
Just Sayin,
Eric
Post Extras:
|
|
|
|
Ok, E trying to make light some of us have a little intimate relationship with an asshole every now in then.. D
Post Extras:
|
|
MRoss
|
|
Newbie
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 02/10/07
|
|
Posts: 9
|
|
Loc: PA. U.S.A.
|
|
|
Great question, and certain to draw lot's of various views and opinions.
Over the years I've taken several different approaches.. Some I don't recommend. As times have in various degrees changed some views. The dreaded "I'm poz" always for me has hit the fan. Who would expect anything different. I've done the don't ask / don't tell, feel in love / and been hurt (Both of us), disclosed / and been disclosed too (SHOCKED), dated poz. and neg. men, and today.. I'm up-front with telling a possible sexual partner, and individuals who are interested in "DATING". I do so for it clears the air, hopefully allows others to get honest with thier sexual history as well. Fear of rejection is a reality.. and well for me I've gotten better with dealing with rejection over the years, but it's stil difficult too handle. I'm responsible for me, my actions, and responses. And I need to allow others to make informed, knowledgable, educated choices for themself. Rejection hurts... though not everyone is going to do so.. And I've been suprised a few times by individuals. Certainly cant judge a book by it's cover. In the long and shot of it.. It's defiently a personal choice. Regardless of which ever I chose to do.. I need / needed to be able to deal with the results, whether it be a good experience or not so good. I need to live with me... in my skin. Being deceitful or guilt by ommission has only caused pain..
--------------------
M. Ross
Post Extras:
|
|
SteveA
|
|
Member
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 10/31/07
|
|
Posts: 20
|
|
Loc: Midwest USA
|
|
|
For myself, I discovered the hard way that telling up front hurts much less than waiting and trying to find the right time only to get rejected after I've already invested my heart in someone.
--------------------
MatrixWorkz 3D Freebies
Post Extras:
|
|
|
|
Communicable Disease Questions for HPC Donors
Are you
1. Currently taking an antibiotic?
2. Currently taking any other medication for an infection?
Please read the Medication Deferral List.
3. Are you now taking or have you ever taken any medications on the Medication List?
4. Have you read the educational materials?
In the past 8 weeks have you
5. Had any vaccinations or other shots?
6. Had contact with someone who had a smallpox vaccination?
In the past 12 months have you
7. Been told by a healthcare professional that you have West Nile Virus infection?
8. Had a blood transfusion?
9. Come into contact with someone else’s blood?
10. Had an accidental needle-stick?
11. Had a tissue transplant or graft such as bone or skin?
12. Had sexual contact with anyone who has HIV/AIDS or has had a positive test for the HIV/AIDS virus?
13. Had sexual contact with a prostitute or anyone else who takes money or drugs or other payment for sex?
14. Had sexual contact with anyone who has ever used needles to take drugs or steroids, or anything not prescribed by their doctor?
15. Had sexual contact with anyone who has hemophilia or has used clotting factor concentrates?
16. Female donors: Had sexual contact with a male who has ever had sexual contact with another male? (Males: check “I am male.”)
17. Had sexual contact with a person who has hepatitis?
18. Lived with a person who has hepatitis?
19. Had a tattoo?
20. Had ear or body piercing?
21. Had or been treated for syphilis or gonorrhea?
22. Been in juvenile detention, lockup, jail, or prison for more than 72 hours?
In the past three years have you
23. Been outside the United States or Canada?
In the past 5 years, have you
24. Received money, drugs, or other payment for sex?
Post Extras:
|
|
Samurai
|
|
Fanatic
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 06/25/08
|
|
Posts: 68
|
|
Loc: Texas, USA
|
|
|
Cut and paste articles for our forum really shows us your intelligence.
--------------------
I am forever amazed at the abundance of hydrogen and ignorance in the universe.
~Albert Einstein
Post Extras:
|
|
Samurai
|
|
Fanatic
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 06/25/08
|
|
Posts: 68
|
|
Loc: Texas, USA
|
|
|
Good communication up front is the best way to overcome the
matter before you get too involved.
--------------------
I am forever amazed at the abundance of hydrogen and ignorance in the universe.
~Albert Einstein
Edited by Samurai (07/24/08 10:32 PM)
Post Extras:
|
Previous
Index
Next
Flat
Threaded
