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Anonymous
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dead inside already
      #210727 - 10/06/06 01:34 PM

god I'm so fucking depressed I need to vent somewhere...some how.. i'm 23.. diagnosed in june.. haldeling it ok some days others awful. I feel dead inside like what should I wake up for. I have this heavy burden of keeping this secret inside of me,...hiding it from all i love and care about because i dont want them to treat me differently, to see me differently.. this burden hurts., i had only 1 person that i was totally honest and open with.. the man i love but he keeps using me and throwing me away. im in so much fucking pain and sorrow. i see a shrink but i dont know if it helps. im too young for all this shit. im a child. i cry im empty i have too much to handle. i just want to give it all up./.. im tired of being used and thrown away for someone elses benifit. ... i dont want to kill myself at all. i want to live.. i want to thrive and usually im a very optimistic person but life just keeps giving me shit and im barely holding on...i just wish things were like before all this happened.. hardly any stress. less worries. no crying..no emptyness. fuck! it all seems so endless and then we die so whats the point. im all alone in this world but im not... its just too overwhelming....and lately its been getting to me.

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Anonymous
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Re: dead inside already new
      #210855 - 10/07/06 06:25 AM

need someone to talk to?, post your addy, will conatct you and exchange number...it may help

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Anonymous
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Re: dead inside already new
      #210895 - 10/07/06 01:33 PM

No offense dude....but first thing to do is get out of destructive or self destructive stuff ( relationships, drugs, drinking, etc) and take stock of your life and make changes that benefit YOU. Its easier said than done and often takes a mental health professional to monitor medications so that you will become healthy.

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: dead inside already new
      #210974 - 10/08/06 12:18 PM

Why would you want to do this by yourself?? You cant.. Keep reaching out and talking. There is absolutely know reason why you cannot live a wonderful life with HIV.. Dont throw in the towel just yet my friend.

Love

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Anonymous
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Re: dead inside already new
      #210982 - 10/08/06 03:46 PM

I can't say that I don't recognise what you're going through - this was MY life 2 years ago, when I got HIV. I saw a shrink too - she was great !! Helped me put my life back on track. I totally turned my life around, lost some weight through exercise and a good diet, stopped the Marlboros, got a promotion and moved countries and now living my life as if it is no big deal. I am not on meds yet, but honestly don't even think about my status every day. Life goes on and it is in your own hands. You are young (I'm 34) - and the reality of it is that no one knows how your body with react to HIV. You may NEVER get sick, and even if you do, the meds are getting more and more effective by the day. Definitely don' t let others mess with you anymore. Get out of that environment and live your life YOUR way. Good luck !! We all need a bit of that for sure !!

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Anonymous
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Re: dead inside already new
      #211402 - 10/12/06 12:42 AM

your alright

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Anonymous
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Re: dead inside already new
      #214108 - 11/09/06 12:06 AM

You may be surprised that talking about your status may equal more huggys and love from your friends and family. If you feel they may fear u add 2 it - get a t-shirt that says "Im with the bomb squad...if u see me running ...run like hell"

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Captivity36
Unregistered

Re: dead inside already new
      #215947 - 11/26/06 11:24 PM

Hang in and don't give up.Perhaps praying or other meditation would help you channel your inner energy. May God give you hope and strengh.Big hug.

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