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New User

Reged: 07/11/06
Posts: 1
Loc: Michigan
Poz and Neg Relationship?
      #199585 - 07/11/06 08:51 PM

Hi All!

This is my first post, so please bear with me. And I don't even know if this is in the right spot, so please forgive any mistakes. And please forgive my bluntness, insensitivity, and ignorance.

I am a 29 year-old negative gay man. As the story always goes, I met someone, a great guy, we seem to hit it off, and he's positive. I don't know what to do about this.

Tons of things are running through my head, and I was hoping you all might be able to offer some help and or advice.

Is anyone else going through this? How do you deal with it?

(Please don't get upset) Is this even something I should consider?

What's safe and what isn't? Besides the obvious ;-) (Don't laugh, I've been doing some reading and finding contradictory information)

Is there any type of support forum, help-line, website for this type of thing?

If I am in the wrong spot, can anyone point me in the right direction?

I guess that's it for now ... any help would be greatly appreciated!

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Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: Poz and Neg Relationship? new
      #199589 - 07/11/06 09:14 PM

Welcome to TheBody and yes you can post here. Its a good question that has been asked before. I think the best way to see that such a relationship can work is to talk to other POZ-Neg couples. There are a few here in this forum.
Whats safe? If you have read the safe sex guidelines then you know the basics. There is nothing contradictory about what is safe.
If you are concerned about a particular medical issue its good to ask a doctor or a health care professional. This forum for GAY MEN is not the place to get a doctors opinion. We can only offer you our opinions based on what we are familiar with

6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

Edited by Bear60 (07/12/06 12:03 PM)

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Re: Poz and Neg Relationship? new
      #199733 - 07/12/06 06:23 PM

Good advice Bear60!

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Reged: 06/20/06
Posts: 3
Loc: Dallas, TX
Re: Poz and Neg Relationship? new
      #199748 - 07/12/06 07:40 PM

I want to say good for you for getting out there and finding any kind of support system. I'm negative and in a poz/neg relationship. I don't think anyone here can tell you if this is something you should consider because only you can make that choice. You have to look inside yourself and decide if you are alright with it. I've never said I wouldn't date someone because of their status. I've never said that I wasn't scared of being infected. The only truth I know is that if I meet someone and I click with them and they with me; I'm sure as hell not going to let something like being positive or negative stop me.

Sometimes it's difficult. Right now, my boyfriend is not feeling sexual. He has no sex drive. We don't believe in open relationships and it's been a while since we've done anything. Is that hard? Yes, but also what is he going through? He's thinking that he's not fulfilling my needs, he's upset, but it's ok that we aren't. It doesn't change the fact that I'm right where I want to be with or without sex.

As far as your other questions.... I agree with Bear... you want to talk with your doctor or if your doctor doesn't have much experience... ask for a recommendation of a doctor that specializes in HIV.

Lastly, if you are serious about this guy, then you need to be able to communicate with him about anything. Make sure you are comfortable talking about everything.

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Reged: 09/14/05
Posts: 325
Re: Poz and Neg Relationship? new
      #199792 - 07/13/06 12:40 AM

If this guy was honest enough to tell you his status,he is 99% better than the rest of America, gay and straight combined. He's a keeper in my opinion.

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Reged: 10/31/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: Poz and Neg Relationship? new
      #199800 - 07/13/06 01:30 AM

I would take the HIV out of the equation in this day and age... I just would...


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Re: Poz and Neg Relationship? new
      #199827 - 07/13/06 05:15 AM

You have every reason to be conflicted. It is a very serious issue. I was in a similar experience many years ago when HIV was still somewhat of a mystery. I met a great guy. On our second date he informed me that he was HIV positive. I freaked out and basically ran away. I never forgave myself. That was fifteen years ago. I still occasionally run into him and he looks fantastic!
I however found myself on the other end of the situation about 10 years later. I found a great guy. Three years into our relationship I tested positive. I was totally shocked. I never thought that I was positive. My boyfriend didn't blink. He stood by me and loved me and helped me throught the most difficult time of my life. Yes there were issues that needed to be addressed, but as long as both of you know the risks and are willing to be open and honest, you should be able to work through them.
We are now together 9 years, my health is great and HIV is something that we have learned to live with. Good luck.

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Reged: 06/06/04
Posts: 120
Loc: Ottawa Canada
Re: Poz and Neg Relationship? new
      #200124 - 07/15/06 08:57 AM

Kudos to you Scott for wanting to learn more.

All the best in this new relationship!

Follow your honest heart

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Re: Poz and Neg Relationship? new
      #202631 - 08/05/06 01:03 PM

I too an positive and have been dating a negative guy for 2 months. We have talked very openly about the situation. Of course, we always play very safely. He has met one of my doctors and is planning to go with me on my next visit to my ID specialist. He is an extremely compassionate and open minded man. Our relationship is progressing nicely and I think we can overcome the status differences. I wish you well in dealing with your situation.

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Reged: 08/27/06
Posts: 4
Loc: Michigan
Re: Poz and Neg Relationship? new
      #205105 - 08/27/06 07:18 PM

There are plenty of safe things you two can do. You can check out some of the info on this site, or try Just remember that this safety thing is a full-time job, with no time off for good behavior.

I have been neg with the same pos person for over twenty years, so I know you can overcome the challenges that HIV can bring.

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