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dbport
Newbie

Reged: 07/28/05
Posts: 4
Loc: MA, USA
Fighting the battle on many different fronts!
      #192027 - 05/18/06 10:22 AM

I was diagnosed as HIV+ 17 years ago and a PWA for the past 14. When I first found out, there was very little else I could think about, other than the fact I had HIV, I'd seen many friends die of it, and was waiting for my turn to go too. My turn hasn't arrived yet, but I'm not sitting around, waiting for it to come. In the earlier years, my mood used to rise and fall as much as my t-cells (VL wasn't even a term yet!). I couldn't understand my doctor telling me not to worry about them, as they were the only concrete evidence of my condition, so I thought. My doctor finally just let time take its course, for me to get off the emotional roller coaster. It probably took me longer than most, but eventually, I didn't even call to find out the results, finally realizing that how I feel is a hell of a lot more important than what the numbers were saying. So, I went on for years, with very small change in my t-cell count and by the time that VL came around, I was well trained and didn't let the numbers dictate how I felt. I went through the same feelings as most other people, about who to tell, how to date with HIV, how to make sure I have good health insurance and esp. how to live a normal life, while living with this disease. Eventually, I met and dated the man who is still my lover of 15 years. What stopped me in my tracks, was when I diagnosed with Stage 4B - Hodgkin's Lymphoma, at the end of 1999. I just was totally unprepared for it, thinking about now having more than one disease. By this time, I educated myself about HIV/AIDS, but here I was back at the beginning, not knowing how to deal with this new diagnosis. Once I was diagnosed there were weeks of testing, day surgery, bone marrow biopsies, doctors, chemo oncologists, radiation oncologists, even a spinal tap. The schedule certainly didn't give me a lot of time to think about it for long. Then the chemo treatments (ABVD) started, it would be one treatment every 2 weeks, for what ended up to be 16 weeks. The day did finally arrive, when I was said to be in remission. During the treatments, I learned that lymphoma is not unusual for PWA. I got through the grueling battle and was in remission from the end of 2000, until 2003, when I was told my lymphoma had recurred. Damn! I was determined that this pesky disease, wasn't going to win this battle. So I went through more chemo and this time radiation too. During the treatmetns, my HIV doctor, stayed in the background, because the treatments for the cancer also reduced my t-cells to 40 (from mid 300's). It took another 3 years to regain most of my strength. Although it didn't take quite as long for my t-cells to rebound.

Forward to 2006: I got through the 3 year mark, (since my last cancer treatment,) still in remission, and I was very happy about it. Then a week after hitting the 3 year mark, I was diagnosed with rectal cancer (squamous cell). Today, I've been through all the tests and will be starting my treatments next week. They'll consist of 6 weeks of radiation therapy (5 times a week), with chemo infused over the first and last 4 days of that 6 week treatment. I'm still in shock. How could I have yet another cancer. I remember when I worried about HIV killing me, but it certainly seems like the cancer was going to give the HIV a run for its money. Now I'm facing yet another course of cancer treatments, and my fear is so much less than it was. How could I possibly get used to going through cancer treatments? How could this happen? I think the answer goes back to learning that living my life normally is a separate event from the cancer treatments, or living with HIV. I get up in the morning, glad to be alive and know that for now at least, I have another battle to face...but I'm not willing to give my life to my diseases. Yes, I'm scared, yes, some days I feel very sick, but there are also days when I don't feel as badly. My good (lucky) genetic make-up, my trust in the treatments, the love and support of my partner and my friends, and esp. keeping a positive outlook is going to pull me thorugh this bout too. Trust me, I have no false bravdo that I'm going to live forever, or that I have special strength to fight any disease that I might get, because I don't. I'm like everyone else, who's fighting this battle, I just choose to focus on the positive things that occur and have faith that the treatments will once again, bring me into remission!

I'd love to hear from others who have gone through mutiple diagnoses like mine...and learn what gets them through it too.

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: Fighting the battle on many different fronts! new
      #192037 - 05/18/06 11:09 AM

DB, You give the saying "Run for you money" a whole different way of thinking about it. Your life touched me in a hopeful and postive way. I am just a beginner being diagnosed 9 months ago. I know its not always going to be a cake walk. Given your story, I know its the NOW that I need to get those mental connections connected in order to DEAL. You sound relatively stable in your dealings with the cancers and your nerve is what carries you through. I am thankful you choose to share your story with all of us and I would continue to post how you are doing. Having a partner, friends about you is so terribly important. No one should ever contimplate living an HIV / AIDS life on his/her own. I am sorry I have yet to experience what you are going thru and I pray that I will NOT. Good grief. I thought HIV was enough. Well, it is for now...

Bless you my friend and welcome to TheBody!

Love

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ScotCharles
Legend

Reged: 05/06/05
Posts: 924
Loc: Los Angeles
Re: Fighting the battle on many different fronts! new
      #192165 - 05/18/06 06:04 PM

Golly, you do have a lot on your plate. I think I can sense what you are going through, I've been positive since September 1985, but full blown only since 2004 and I have had a scary ride with my liver over the last year, but I'm a piker compared to you.

Keep talking, that always helps, I will always be here to listen. If it is any help, I think it is awesome you've survived this long. There must be a reason for your survival, do you know what it is?

--------------------
Life is a river.
Carpe diem.

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dbport
Newbie

Reged: 07/28/05
Posts: 4
Loc: MA, USA
Re: Fighting the battle on many different fronts! new
      #192375 - 05/20/06 12:33 PM

Thanks for the responses to my previous posting. I realize how difficult it is to be newly diagnosed and what a very confusing time that is for everyone. I got a lot of comfort and strength from hearing about how other people managed to get through it, and what coping techniques I could learn from them. I also get a lot of comfort by journalling, as it allows me to get my thoughts, concerns and fears out and on paper. Because of that, I'm thinking about using this blog, to help me and possibly others, on how to deal with being diagnosed with either HIV, or cancer. Both of the cancers I have/ had are not unusual for people with HIV. I was told by my ID doctor, that the rectal cancer is from a virus (HPV) that most people have, but whose immune systems keep it in check.

I still am dealing with shock of having another cancer, as I was only diagnosed 3 weeks ago. I met with my oncologist yesterday, who reviewed the schedule for next week, when I start my treatments, which I previously described in my first post. He also reviewed the potential side-effects I might or might not experience, while going through the treatments. It's scary to hear about all of the potential side-effects, but I also have to be realistic and plan for transportation and meals, in case I'm unable to do them myself. Finally, my oncologist reminded me, that 3 months after I complete my treatment, I will go back to my surgeon, to do deep tissue biopsies of the rectum. If there is any sign of cancer, or if the cancer ever recurs, I will need to have a permanent colostomy. I certainly didn't want to hear that, but I do know that I have gotten through lymphoma twice and I'm still keeping my HIV in check...so I know I can beat this too. I also found out the other day, that my partner will be out of the country, on business for 2, out of the 6 weeks of treatment. Starting with the latter 1/2 of the first week and then again, the latter 1/2 of the 5th week. All I can do is wait to see how this effects me, before I start worrying about what could be! I have no doubt, that I will survive this cancer and continue to live the wonderful life I have, in remission.

Please feel free to either add to the thread of this post, or PM me with any comments, questions, ideas, etc. while I share this experience with you.

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dbport
Newbie

Reged: 07/28/05
Posts: 4
Loc: MA, USA
Re: Fighting the battle on many different fronts! new
      #193468 - 05/28/06 11:34 AM

It's been a pretty wild week for me. This week, I started my chemo and radiation therapies. On the whole, I feel great that all that has been discussed and planned, is now put into action. Any feeling of accomplishment is a gift that renews my spirit and helps me move forward, to the goal of remission! Even though it seemed quite well planned, it usually doesn't stay that way. This was no exception! On Tuesday, I was supposed to have my Pic Line (central line) inserted in my right arm. After working for 1-1/2 hours, the doctor told me that he was unable to get it connected, because of my having a port-a-cath in the same area as part of the 2 lymphoma treatments, the veins were blocked. Then he told me that he would have to try putting it in the left arm, however, he didn't have time to do it that day and I would have to come in the 1st thing Wednesday morning, and have it done, so that I could keep on schedule for my treatments starting. Much to my surprise, it went into my left arm without any problems or blockages and was done within 15 minutes! What a difference! I experienced very little pain, as compared to the first day! I went home for a few hours, before we were due at the chemo clinic, to get that part of the treatment started. The chemo RN, whom I've known for 15 years, explained the 6+ week process to me and what side-effects might be like. She said it should be much easier on me than when I went through the 8+ MONTH treatment for Hodgkin's Lymphoma! I was glad to hear that. Then she infused 2 anti-nausea drugs and a chemo drug that is supposed to augment the effectiveness of the main 5-FU chemo, which would be hooked up later today. Then I went to the radiaiton section of the building (It sure helps that all the services are in one building.) My daily radiation consists of getting a 20 second dose from the front and then the machine rotates around me, and I get a 2nd, 20 second dose from the back. That's it! Granted, that will eventually hurt a lot, but it usually takes a week or two, to experience side effects from the radiation. Finally the last 2 hours of the day, I met with a home care nurse, who's in charge of the 5FU chemo and the pump that's required to infuse it (into me) for 4 days straight. She connected me on Wednesday at around 3 PM, so a visiting nurse will be coming to my house on Sunday, to remove the equipment. (I still need to have my pic line left in my arm, for the entire 6+ weeks of treatment.) The visiting nurse will come once a week to change the dressing on that.and make sure there's no infection from it.

The only side-effects I'm currently experiencing, are nausea and fatigue...both of which are very common when getting chemo.and/or radiation. I've noticed I can't stay up as late as I normally do. I also wake up every morning very nauseous! The next important issue I had to deal with... is how I'm going to get to and from my radiation appointments, which are about 1/2 hour drive from my home and are 5 days a week.. My 83 year old neighbor volunteered to take me all 6 weeks, if necessary. This woman isn't only my neighbor, but a friend of mine too. Even though I've lived across the street from her for 16 years, I really started to get to know her over the past year or so. She's not only a friend and neighbor, but she's also an inspiration for me. She has more energy than I do to start with...but she's also a 3 time cancer survivor..including a skin cancer, she's still being treated for. So she offered to drive me everyday, which is very kind. Other mutual friends we have also want to come with us! It's kind of funny. Some of these people are elderly, and want to do something to help, but who can't drive, so they'll give us moral support, when they join us. It's weird, as I feel a bit guilty relying on a woman in her 80's to transport me, but I've spoken to a couple of her relatives and friends, and they all say the same thing...this is something that she wants to do...and they think it's good for her to do so! Another one of her friends, who wants to drive me, some of the days, just lost her own grandson to cancer, about a few months ago. I guess she also wants to do something meaningful to help someone else in a similar situation. I hope that when I'm in my 80's that I'll still be living a purpose driven life. It's such a huge inspiration for me.

Anyway, on Thurs. and Friday, my neighbor, Edith, took me to my appointments at 11:30 AM. The same treatment of 20 seconds from each side and then, that's it...She drives me back home. AT this point, I probably could drive myself, but the nauseous feeling from the chemo is very powerful...and I wouldn't want to have to stop every so often too get sick to my stomach, while driving. So Edith has said that she will drive from now on. No arguing with her! LOL!

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