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Will my HIV+ partner still want to be with me
#174623 - 02/10/06 10:31 PM
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I know that a lot of times the question is reversed...will the neg guy want to stay in a serodiscordant relationship. I'm worried about the opposite. My partner and I both tested this week...he came out positive, me negative.
We have been together for 3 years and are a fairly young couple (35 yrs both). We share a very deep love for each other and we've had some marvelous experiences in the past 3 years.
While I know that HIV does change things, what I'm concerned about is that eventually he may decide for my sake (and his) it would be better to be with another HIV+ guy.
I can honestly say, he is the love of my life and I don't want to contemplate the possibility of losing him..not to a disease or to another man.
I know he loves me too, and it is so early still, but can anyone offer me any advice of how to deal with my fears. Any experiences to share, etc?
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Duane
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Newbie
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Reged: 02/11/06
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Posts: 3
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Loc: Jackson, Mississippi
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Carl,
You can count your blessing that you are In love, I would like to suggest that you sit down and talk to him about your feelings, let him know that you want to be with him. You asked should he be with someone else who is +, my answer to that is not if you two are in IN LOVE, being with another + person has it own set of things to work out, cause you don't know what strand of the virous the other person has, so you would still have to be careful. Talk to him about your sex life now be open to both of your feelings and understand them. I say go on in your life as if you were and just be aware of the HIV but don't let it controll your thoughts. I am HIV+ now for 8 years and finding someone special in my life was not easy at all, you have someone stick with him. Any way I tell people all the time "I am HIV+, but that is only a part of me it is NOT all of me". Hope this helps you. my E-mail is MaloneC2Ea@yahoo.com
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Duane,
Thanks so much for your response. One thing I'm realizing is that my partner is much more able than I to "live in the day." He's always been like this, and I believe this really is helping him cope with the HIV+ test result. I'm generally the worrier and the planner, so I sometimes wonder who is taking it harder.
In any case, your words help a lot. I AM lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life and he is THE love of my life, so you're absolutely right--be aware, but don't let it govern everything. Thanks again.
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Survivor
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Legend
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Reged: 10/30/05
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Posts: 3256
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Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
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Hi Carl. Both me and my Husband found out not to long ago. I first, he second about both being positive. We have had long talks about this prior to his diagnosis. There was never even a thought about breaking up. I waited my entire life to find William. This changes nothing in relationship to a life long companion (for us). Sure we have to take care of ourselves. As would you need to help your partner out. Its not that big a thing. William lives by the day. I am the thinker. As you can see by how much I need to talk with others who think like me. Keep a very open diagloge with him. The grass is never greener!!
Love and Best of Luck in holding on
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If the relation was good before knowing about the HIV status, the likelihood is that you will be fine. It is a shock for everyone involved in this type of scenario. In 2003 I found out that I was positive. The guy that I was dating at the time tested and he was negative. Three years later, we are living together, I am going for my Master's degree, he found his dream job and our HIV status remains the same - serodiscordant. Your fears are natural, but getting the right information and talking with others will help out.
One positive impact that HIV has had in my life is that it has helped me putting things in perspective, but this didn't happen overnight. It took me about 6-8 weeks to get out of the initial shock and denial, good 6 months for mourning my "loss", and one full year to realize that this was not a death sentence and that I needed to make things happen... Why I am telling you this? Because it wasn't always easy for me to deal with this nor for my partner to help me cope with my emotions, and VICE VERSA (goes both ways). Sometimes when we tried to help each other, the other one pushed away. Be mindful that, like with any grieving period, people react differently and what might work for some, doesn't work for others. It takes time to adjust (for some people more, for some people less), and please, no drama.
There will always be a certain level of uncertainty and anxiety that hopefully you guys will learn to manage and control. Everyone's experience is different with this disease. HIV will become part of your lives, and that is the key word; LIFE. Let the relation develop normally - like everyone else's. That will be your best chance as a couple of being successful.
Love and kisses
Greggy-O
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ScotCharles
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Legend
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Reged: 05/06/05
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Pickles,
Your guy would love you if you lost all your hair and gained a hundred pounds, how is a little virus going to do more than that?
Ah young love, but it gets better when there is a bit of crust to the sweet.
ScotCharles
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Life is a river.
Carpe diem.
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DavidSolomon
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All Star
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Reged: 02/17/06
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Posts: 95
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Loc: Gilbert (Phoenix) Arizona
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You both are way ahead of it all. I believe he will be concerned for you in the times to come, but you can override that by bringing up other intimate recreations you can utilize together. Maybe there will come a time where you will have to convince him that all is well with you. You can start that process now in the many little things you do daily. Always get the message that you still need him with you as much as he needs and will need you. You both have a great binding together now, and there is no way it can not remain.
Break down your senario in simple form:
You already have a fabulous relationship
He informs you he has aids
Your first concern is---will he stay with me, how can I keep him?
Well that about says it all, doesn't it?
Bless you both, and may the future bring up the good side of it all
david.
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David
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If your HIV negative partner wants to be with you then I would say stay there as you are one lucky dude. After all two can live cheaper & better than one in this economy! The pickings are slim out there on the internet; way too much b.s; crystal meth, etc............
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I have a negative partner and your concern is real. You feel unclean and not worthy and deeply afraid of infecting your partner, but talk to him about what you feel. Let him reassure you and for a little while draw on his strength and talk to each other about your sex life, you'll be rocking the house again in no time.
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