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concern
#168033 - 12/28/05 12:29 PM
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HELLO
No sure if I should ask about this here, but it can lead too many stds, or even HIV.
I am a gay male, I am 39. for the last 3 years I have been having many one night stands. Even though most of then has been while I am drunk, I make sure I remember what I do, and use protection. I have been tested twice, both negatives, I will have another test in 4 months or so.
My dilemma is, I constantly think about sex, while is masturbating, having sex with a stranger, or fantasy about a co-worker, or guy I see on the street.
I find myself looking all the time with desire, or sexual thoughts.
Like if I see a hot guy from work, I look at him, but make my ways to check him out, no matter how many times I see him during the day.
I have been in relationships, and where sex lack off, I have had sex outside. Granted, I make my ways to tell my loved one, and every time I do feel deeply sorry. Hate myself for cheating, but after awhile goes back to my head, then I found myself wanting to have sex again.
So, my question is.
Are all of us like that?
I have even thought that I am a sex addict, and just to think about it horrify me.
So, I am looking for advice.
Other than that I have a normal life, good job, good person inside, helpful, loving, caring, a care taker, own a house, and try to be a better person, until I screwed up again by drinking, or having sex again.
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Bear60
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Legend
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Reged: 12/21/05
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Posts: 1390
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Your question is out of left field. All of "US"...gay guys are not promiscuous whores and just thinking about sex does not make you a whore. Heterosexual men are just the same only THEY think about women all the time. So whats the difference?
--------------------
6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia
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WELL, thank for your reply.
not sure if i am going trough a crisis, since my values contradict what i do. as i said, major concerns is getting infected by acting this way. altough i have talk to people that seems to live their life around sex, i never thougt i would feel the same.
thanks for your time
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I have the same feelings that you do. I am a 37 year old gay male and what you describe sounds like what goes on in my head! I have sometimes thought I was a sex addict myself. I guess it is testosterone.
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thank you!
for me it is horrible cause i want to be faithful, but the desires are sometimes stronger than my will. if by any chance i get drunk then is even worse. i have been trying to understand this, but it is hard to tell someone you feel this way.
sometimes is not even with the final results of have sex, just the sensuality of it, like size, shape, how it may looks in briefs, all of that.
i wish sometimes i was not sexual at all.
thank you for your words.
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It is not just the size, shape and how it looks in briefs I get turned on by having sex with a stranger. The thrill of someone new and the adventure of that. Some guys I know are partners who agree to an open relationship and I have also met a lot of guys who are supposedly monogomous (as far as their boyfriends are concerned) but are cheating and I have also met a lot of men having sex with men who are married to women and are supposedly monogomous, at least that is what their wives think. Maybe this is why I am a single 37 year old gay man.
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You can choose to hide and live in denial about it or you can admit it. It is sex addiction. I'm 43 yo gay man and I have gone through the same phase. This kind of behavior has destructive tendencies. Not only physical but mental as well. For several years I've been a whore and sex addict and never was ashamed to admit it. After I became HIV+ everything changed. Complete U-Turn. Well, it was my case, and it doesn't mean you have to be HIV+ to get enlightened. Find some books on self help or look for new gay friends that will inspire you to change your ways. CONNEXION.ORG is one of the best sites to connect with other guys. Don't be ashamed of who you are. Admit it and it will be your first step to recovery. Don't think how what you do now contradicts your values. The burden of guilty consciousness is even worth. Be brave, admit the truth and look for help. I also have a sense that you need to find a date who will accept you with all your baggage and inspire you to change. Perhaps you never loved before...
Be well and stay safe
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Yoiu say even though most has been while I'm drunk. hate to say it. But what does that have to do with anything. Don't drink. Some people drink so that they can make excuses...i did it but I was drunk. You can have some semplence of control over your life. You just have to choose to do so. You clearly are enjoying your life right now having lots of sex. Why even try to be monogomous if that's not what you'd like to do?
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I know exactly what you are going through. I have major trouble becoming emotionally attached to someone. It's always about the sex. I think I will have to say something to my doctor and my case worker/therapist. I would waste many days on the computer trying to hook up, then get very distraught after doing the deed. Alot of the times I would be drinking, but not always. When I found out I was HIV+ I backed off a bit but now that I've come to grips with the disease I find myself wanting to hook up all the time again. I've been on medication before that lowered my sex drive. Paxil is one. Maybe I need to go back on it or something else. It's very dangerous hooking up randomly but it seems to be out of my control at times. I've had gonnorrhea, scabies, crabs, and God knows what else. Now HIV and AIDS. Just seems like I can't learn my lesson. I'm 35.
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hi, i dont know whether you are a sex addict or not but i am, yes i practice safer sex but still even when i am so depressed i have to look up to look down i will cruise a guy, find a twelve step program and find out. love and peace
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In my case it worsen when I drink. As soon as I get the feeling of alcohol working on my system, I get extremely horny. Most of the time I do not do much. I will say I am too drawn to fantasy sex, and since that will never happens in most of the relationships, you have the tendency to look outside. It is not that I do not love my partner, it is the fact that there are things you will not do with your partner sexually.period.
It is like the straight guys who have a nice girl, and the make love to them, but when they want a whore in bed, they do not turn their sweet love in one., maybe I am wrong, but that is sometimes how I feel.
I get to a point that I rather not even watch porno’s, cause that kinda of sex turns me on, and even though when I am sober for months, I re-think twice before I do anything, when I drink, I say F%$$ it, the go to a bath house, and have my fantasy, but always wear protection. One more thing, I do not do everything while in those places, only what satisfy me, as long as the other person agree.
I do not perform oral sex or get penetrated. Just my choice.
This past weekend I was in a new year event, and even though I did not do anything, at all, I found myself cruising like crazy, deep inside I want it to have sex. I feel good I did not, but even the thoughts sometimes bothers me.
I know I have issues with morals, and what is right or wrong to do.
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terryA
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Reged: 03/18/05
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Posts: 17
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Loc: San Leandro, CA., usa
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Sometimes, it has nothing to do with sex.In some cases, it has to do with how we feel about ourselves. We use it because there's something missing in our lives. We go out constantly having sex, and afterward, fell no satisfaction.
As for me, I'm have regular visits to a theropist. I think about sex all the time, but don't do anything for fear of infecting someone else. Plus,it doesn't help to have a partner that will rarely ever spend time with me.
But at least I'm investing time in finding out what's best for me.
--------------------
 Terry Aleith
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Mine does, but it is not the typical BF, even though we feel we are married to each other. sex is not that important between us, or seems to be, but more than sex, or making love, i rather be involved in fantasy sex, of course protected.
not sure why. i do feel good about myself, and for all the things i have and accomplish, sometimes i feel is a phase i have to go trough and get over it with.
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i know i feel like that. LOL and i believe alot of guys do... of course not all. i don't worry if i'm a sex addict... as long as ur happy and no one is getting hurt. u know? don't worry about it man. go back to thinking 'bout SEX! lol
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when sex controls your life it is not fun, sexual addiction will eventually do that, and putting your life and other people s life in danger. love and peace
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