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HIV and Relationships
      #164840 - 11/21/05 05:07 PM

Dear all,

I am a gay man age 37 years old originalyy from Italy. I have been living in London for the past 13 years. I was diagnosed at the age of 24 so its been sometime that I have been living with the experience of being HIV positive. i have had 2 relationships since discovering my status and to my fortune my partners did not mind. However after sometime sex became an issue and the relationship fell apart. I have been questioning myself if is better to have a relationship with another man who is HIV positive also and of course the first things that pop into my mins is of course it will work better no doubt. Not to say that rekationship with another positive person will not have complications but I am sure it will take away some of the added aggravations that we all that experience living with HIV has. I have been looking through websites across the London area and discovered that most people are not prepared to disclose and the few that do are either taking lots of drugs and doing sexual practices that are to my judgment far too extreme. It seems to me that alot of people are on a self ditractive journey. AND I AM NOT. What surprise me most of all is that there are not any websites designed to meet HIV people in the UK/London area. After 20 years in the running it seems starnge that no one has thought of putting some sort af arena where people of the same HIV status can meet. I aslo address this to all the websites like AIDSMAP etc...
Or is it possible I have not found one. The only one I have found seems to have lots of guys from US prepared to put a photo of their face and happly disclose. In the London section few ads and no photo!!!
I understand people want to keep private information private and disclosed them only at opportune moments. But if we all stay in the dark no one will be able to meet anyone.

What do people think about this?

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Reged: 11/28/05
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Re: HIV and Relationships new
      #165489 - 11/28/05 07:20 PM

I have been in 4 relationships. I'm 48. The first 3, I was HIV negative, and one of my partners was positive. This 4th one, we're both HIV positive. (No, the "positive partner" did not give it to me.)

None of these relationships worked. Each was riddled with manipulation, control, deception, abuse, betrayal, lies, and ultimately, rejection. One was a drug addict. 3 of them were abused and molested as children.

My current relationship is in a state of slow demise, since I have been informed "I love you, but I'm not 'in love' with you," and that he's now "in love" with someone half way around the world, and has had a physical affair with him twice.

One would have thought that us both having HIV might have given us enough of a common bond to have moved forward from that point, with a better understanding of what each other is going through, but nothing could be further from the truth.

It's not whether you're both seropositive, or not, but rather whether you're both emotionally mature enough for a relationship, and able to commit to it, and to stay committed to it, when it becomes work.

All relationships are work. Require work.

Most people, sadly, are not equipped for it. They've bought in the the media hype that we're supposed to have a starry-eye'ed romance of "in love" like in the movies, and that's not real life.

There are online sites dedicated to people with HIV meeting people with HIV. (No, I can't name them off hand, but I've seen them.)

Again, it's not whether you're both seropositive, or not, but rather whether you're both emotionally mature enough for a relationship, and able to commit to it, and to stay committed to it, when it becomes work, and yes, that bares repeating.

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Re: HIV and Relationships new
      #165980 - 12/02/05 07:46 PM

u r out of ur mind to reveal to people ur aids status it i one of most dangerous didease known to man on par with cancer look at travel advisory most countries bar u if hiv pos so be hideous iran shoots people with hiv on spot many countries have started building concentration camps for aids sufferers police in india arrests u if u have aids and force u into hospital remember no drugs for aids,depression, asthma migraine only just temprary time passers know facts

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Reged: 12/06/05
Posts: 1
Re: HIV and Relationships new
      #166344 - 12/06/05 07:25 PM

Dear Ant,

Why don't you look into starting up a website yourself or get help to do it?

My partner is negative, and yes it does throw up some formiddable problems being in a sero-discordant relationship, but we try to face the many issues that are thrown up and work through them - its not easy.

I discovered my status once we had been together for a year so I don't know what its like to be in your situation but I can empathise with you.

Do hope that you find what you are looking for.

Warm regards

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