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HIV Life >> Gay Men

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Anonymous
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Gay positive male in washington, dc
      #164117 - 11/14/05 02:25 PM

hey, just stop passed to say what's up to all my positive brothers and sisters out here. I live in washington, dc. I have just been dignoised a couple of months ago. when I found out I was in a relationship and had to break the news to my partner. he is not positive. we are still together and loving each other unconditionally. but we have only one problem, since we have found out our whole sexual contact has disappeared. what can I do or who can we talk to to keep our relationship healthy as far as comforting this issue. any suggestions will be helpful.

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Anonymous
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Re: Gay positive male in washington, dc new
      #164372 - 11/16/05 06:55 PM

my partner is also negative. We still have sex in a different way. We both will have oral sex and body contact but we do not have intercourse. I would love to still have intercourse but I am scared for him. We both have agreed to not take part in that but we do love eah other and still have fun in the bedroom. If your partner is scared, I don't blame him but together you must work it out or your relationship as lovers is not going to work. Please except his fears and if he cannot except what needs to be then you both need to move on.

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Fergusite
Unregistered

Re: Gay positive male in washington, dc new
      #164380 - 11/16/05 08:14 PM

My partner and I had been together 9 years when we found out he was positive. I'm negative, and continue to be negative 3 1/2 years later, and our sex life if amazing. Just give your partner some time to absorb everything

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lal37
Unregistered

Re: Gay positive male in washington, dc new
      #164397 - 11/16/05 11:17 PM

Friday is our 10 year anniversary and I am positive... Just seroconverted in june. he is neg. cannot fathom not having sex for almost six months now and not on our anniversary.. how did you work it out with time?...

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Anonymous
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Re: Gay positive male in washington, dc new
      #164468 - 11/17/05 12:17 PM

use condom and stay healthy and if it is really love you both will overcome the set back.

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Afrodita
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Re: Gay positive male in washington, dc new
      #164632 - 11/18/05 04:55 PM

I´m a negative 26 years old woman, and my boyfriend is positive since 2001. I decided to be with him no matter his HIV status, but we don´t have sex, not even oral. I don´t know if the problem are his fears or mines, but no one take the first step, for 6 months. Can anyone help me?

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Bhammer40
Unregistered

Re: Gay positive male in washington, dc new
      #164782 - 11/20/05 09:36 PM


Hey:
Speaking as the negative partner in a similar situation… just give him some time to digest all this information. The best thing you two can do as a couple is go to your HIV Clinic appointment together and let your partner ask the experts there about what you can do sexually. Initially when my partner came back and said that he was HIV positive after a routine physical exam we just cried and then that silent panic crept into my mind as we rocked back-and-forth weeping and holding each other like scared monkeys on our living room couch. I had been obviously soooooooooo very exposed for some overly passionate 4 honeymoon months that soon the only thing I could hear was that self preserving instinctual little voice in my head was now screaming uncontrollable in true terror. Each HIV test and the initial triple dose of noxious medications that they gave me as a “hope this kills the little buggers” trick before it takes hold…medical knee-jerk stuff … acted as the biggest sex deterrent from my partner that they could have possible ever done. Waiting for each HIV test result was like going to a symphony of shrieking Harpies echoing their screeches with each high pressured pounding of my own mortal heart as my physician awaited the news for the laboratory’s phone call. I work in a physician’s office and each test we would wait nurses and my physicians who I consider friends to hear the news that I am positive or negative. Each time they said that my test was negative I would burst out in tears as the wrenching fear would wash away as my support group would hug me. This drama is terrifying and it initially will act as a complete and total wall between you both until there is enough time to work through his fears. I remember recoiling from my partner’s touches. He would kiss me but I would hesitate with any deep kissing. We would attempt to place his mouth on my chest or near my nipple and I just would withdrawal away from his advances. I just kept remembering those tests and the waiting for a result, or the feeling of the medications they gave me and thinking that no sex no matter how good is worth any of this. Eventually, I went with my partner for his first complete exam at the local HIV Clinic here in town. There we were able to ask all the questions I could possible think of concerning my safety and what we could and could not do. I also had to come to grips that I truly love my partner and just told myself that we were going to have as normal as a relationship as we can. Just give your partner time. This knowledge will test any relationship. Many will walk away but those that truly have found love will stay. Again knowledge and counseling are two great tools to use to regain your partner’s comfort levels so that intimacy can be more like it was initially before this HIV status was discovered.


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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Gay positive male in washington, dc new
      #165023 - 11/22/05 11:06 PM

I was reading your comment and I can tell you that your sex life is not over now that your parnert knows about your status your sex life should continue almost same way as before, just be careful yourself otherwise you can re-infected. continue doing what you like best and use the condom, specialy if you have anal sex, other than that don't worry and enjoy your sex life like you had an infection that you are taking care of. Life is beautiful I have been infected over 15 years and I can tell you nothing stop me from having sex with other man. Remember the 3 R's.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Gay positive male in washington, dc new
      #165024 - 11/22/05 11:18 PM

Gay couple are very dificult to keep over 5 years. I'm so happy that the two of you still together, yes you have to give time to your parnert to accepted to live with this big desicion wheather stay with you or ..bye,bye; not everyone is aible to leave with a positive gay man, special if you are older than the other person. Young guys don't know how to deal with this situation.
Play safe and keep healthy, excercise, eat well and try to rest as much as you can. God bless you and keep you many more years together.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Gay positive male in washington, dc new
      #165281 - 11/25/05 03:35 PM

Just make a move. Have a romantic dinner and give him a massage. Take it slow. Remember it's about trust and affection.

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