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22 poz..stopped taking meds/not disclosing status
#156345 - 06/20/05 08:02 PM
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i was diagnosed hiv+ december 2003. i had an insane viral load of over a million. my initial cd4 was 280. i began taking medication and within 2 months i gained back the 50 pounds of weight i lost and became healthier than ive ever been before. i took my medication for a year and did very well taking it. january of 2005 i decided to stop taking my medication because i wanted to try to fight the virus by healthy and natural means. i have been medication free for six months and i am feeling just great. i hope i can go without medication for many years. taking the medication is a constant reminder of the virus in my body. now that i dont take any meds i rarely think of myself as sick. i have a very difficult time disclosing my status to partners, so i have chosen to go the dishonorable route. i have protected anal sex with any and all partners, but i still fear of infecting someone. i dont think i can mentally nor emotionally take rejection again because of my status. can anyone relate to my issues? anyone not taking meds and staying completely healthy? will i get horribly sick again a year or two? anyone being intimate with men on a "safe" level while not disclosing status? i just need someone to relate to. i have no positive friends and i am going insane living life as an out gay man with a closeted poz status.
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Denial is a wonderful thing isnt it? I think you'll like prison too! Good Luck!
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spiritzone2
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Grand Master
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Reged: 06/24/05
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Posts: 166
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Loc: PORTLAND ROCKS !!
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you are absolutely right: you will go insane living a lie. Being dishonest as an "out gay man with a closeted pos status". If you really want to stay off your meds for as long as possible then you've just got to disclose your status. You need to be as honest as possible so you don't have mental health issues from your dishonesty. I am telling you: it'll eat you alive. Get used to taking some rejection. That'll help you in other area's of your life. too. If you think about it, rejection really saves time. If people reject you, then they really aren't your friends anyway. Why waste investing your time with someone who doesn't have your best interests in mind ? When you are honest in your life you stress levels stay low. This keeps you healthy and keeping healthy keeps you from seeing doctors. When you have a headache, you take an aspirin. When you have a stomache ache, you take stomache medicine. Do you think of yourself as sick when you swallow that aspirin? If you have HIV then your body is sick but YOU ARE NOT. Try to keep those concepts in your mind. TAKE YOUR MEDICINE and live a long life
--------------------
OUR FOCUS DETERMINES OUR REALITY.
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hello.
it must be very hard for you, and in the process maybe you are not taking the right choices, i have live years of fear cause ihave done my mistakes, and i am sure i have been involved with poz people, since some...like yourself rather do not tell. i can not condone that, but in the same rate, i think people who are or will be with you, have the right to make the choice. i have, and i chose not to give my back to the person cuase his staus, so there are othr s that think like me.
if you care to talk, you can email me at
zabdyy@yahoo.com, i am a good listener.
good luck.
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You probably can go ahead without meds, but the most important thing is to go to your doctor every 3-4 months to check your viral load and cd4 count. Otherwise you are risking a lot. You can feel great and have lymphoma and be dead in 2 weeks. Why risk this? Check get your numbers which will guide you. Under 200 cd4 count you're playing with fire if you're not on meds. As for not telling...it's more common then you think! Why aren't they asking is the important question! It's hard living out as a positive man and few in the gay community are doing it. So it's kind of a conspiracy of silence right now. Don't ask, don't tell seems the rule. Sad but true...and you contribute to it by not being courageous and honest. But again you are just an average guy. Join a gay positive support group maybe?
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My son has been taken medication during 8 years .wiith a good CD4 more 950 and no virus detected in viral charge ,his doctor decided to finish with the medicines (3) ,after three months his CD4 lower to 650 and there are virusis in blood .
He is very much afraid ,I am too, the doctors told him that if next tests will be lower ,he will need to be medicated again .
I don´t know if this will work now .Please answer me .
he doesn´t want to share with anybody about this topic.
Love ,
Mabel
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How dare you even think about not telling someone about your status!!!! That should not even be a question. Just because you don’t feel you can take “rejection” anymore about your status does not give you the right to play with peoples life’s, and like someone else said “I hope you can deal with Prison” I am a HIV positive man, and I was infected by someone who knew they had the virus and did not tell me or gave me that choice. My family and myself have gone thought so much pain, and hurt over this. So I take it personal when you say you don’t wish to inform people of your status. You are a evil and heartless person and I hope that one day you are locked up!!!!
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How dare you even think about not telling someone about your status!!!! That should not even be a question. Just because you don’t feel you can take “rejection” anymore about your status does not give you the right to play with peoples life’s, and like someone else said “I hope you can deal with Prison” I am a HIV positive man, and I was infected by someone who knew they had the virus and did not tell me or gave me that choice. My family and myself have gone thought so much pain, and hurt over this. So I take it personal when you say you don’t wish to inform people of your status. You are a evil and heartless person and I hope that one day you are locked up!!!! and spend the rest of your live in jail
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It's all about you, isn't it? As Joan Collins says, GROW UP. Before you die in denial, puh-leese reconsider your behavior in context of what's good for society, not what feels good for you. And talk to a doctor realistically about your health condition. Hugs and kisses, stems and seeds don't kill virus. Sorry if this seems harsh, if I were there I'd slap you up side of the head.
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Thebasictruth
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Unregistered
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There are some really stupid people out there. How can somebody be totally be open about their hiv status if there is so much ignorance out there - if you tell somebody you're hiv pos they get scared and you end up feeling rejected and subsequently worse. I totally understand you not wanting to disclose your status - people who claim that you should tell every partner simply don't have sex or don't have any idea of the reality of being hiv poz. Don't listen to those idiots out there who simply want to load you down with guilt and fear. Just be as safe as you can and that's it. Should knowing about your hiv status mean that you can go to prision? Well in that case better not to ever take a hiv test - the logic of making those who already have hiv feel worse is totally flawed - What we need is more understanding of hiv and consequently greater acceptance of those who are affected by the condition not blaming those with the hiv, who are simply victims of a virus which can affect anyone regardless of age, gender or race. We need to support one another here, not fall into the trap of simply pointing the finger at some else... everybody is responsible for their deeds in bed and how they take place... so if you want to be safer then you protect yourself ...otherwise whether the other person is aware of their hiv or not you will be taking a risk, if you take that risk then you have to take responsibility for it as well.
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What on earth is wrong with the people replying to this message?
This guy is taking precautions when having sex, what else do you expect him to do ? Wear a "I'm HIV poz" t-shirt? You guys are really ill in the head - there is absolutely no reason for a Hiv poz person to disclose their status to casual sex partners. People will stop having HIV tests if having HIV is seen to be a crime which is what a number of messages appear to advocate. What's wrong with you people? By having protected sex anyone who is HIV poz is being responsable. Those who claim that hiv status should be obligatorily disclosed before intimate contact are being unrealistic and irresponsible as they are not thinking of the reprecussions of such a stance.
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i agree, i mean hey we'd have to go around with a sign or be tatooed on teh forehead "HIV+" if thats the way it is. as long as you're having protected sex man. you guys are making us seem like we're lepers or axe-murderers or something.
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In regards to your HIV status. You should disclose it if you are putting anyone at rest. This means any sexual activity where there is penetratoin. Even deep kissing!!! Since you can test for HIV via oral swap that is a great indicator the the virus is there. That no one can disagree with. I regards to sexual positiipons the virus travels up as well as it does down. So there is no top or bottom isuse here. If a person is your friend and runs the other way when you tell your status i would quesiotn the friendship. If a person you are dating and you don't disclose the truth will come out on way or another, It would be best from the person mouth.
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i can see lots of anger in this reply, is very understandable, but we are not judges, or can be. is evryone responsability to stay safe, and act in a responsible manner. i have always think that evryone, no matter how they look like are positive, and yes i have been with many of them, but it has been my responsability to keep myself safe, not the other person.
I will be very angry if i have a lover for years, or in mininful relationship and my lover gets infected and do not tell me and keep having unprotected sex with me, but i can not expect that for a casual encounter, for me is not realistic.
if i act reponsible, no matter what the other person have, i will not get it, and that is the reality.
i do respect everyone opinion, but this is how i really see it.
good luck!
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as today, luckly i am negative, but i comepletely agree with you. is not only the person infected responsability to be careful, it is in the same degree mine. if i am nnot safe, what i get is my responsabilty. i know that people always try to pass the responsability in someone else, but what happens to my body is my choice, and the only way i disagree to this is, if my lover knowngly gets me infected, by contracting it outside home, and bring it in, and selfishly lie about it to me.
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