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HIV Life >> Gay Men

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1clockwatcher
Unregistered

Why Should I live?
      #154913 - 05/27/05 07:00 PM

I found out some time ago that I was HIV+. I wasn't sure about the meds as I didn't even know anyone who was positive. I am now taking meds but the Doctor said it progressed to the AIDS stage. I also developed MAC which is very painfull. 4 months ago when my family found out that not only was I gay but positive they disowned me and threw me out of their home. I had been positive for some time but I was very, very afraid to tell anyone. I have no idea how they found out. They left me homeless and I became even sicker because of the stress. Some close friends found out what happened and came from Seattle to rescue me. They have brought me into their home to live as I am unable to work right now.
I just do not have the desire to live anymore. I have planned how I would end my life. I see no future for me. I am in constant pain from the MAC and some of the meds make me sick every day.I watch the people around me who are healthy living normal lives and going about their business.
I told my Doctor that I was really depressed and they gave me a number to call for a Therapist. If I can't get out of bed how can I call a Therapist.
HELP!

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Walter
Unregistered

Re: TRY, JUST LITTLE BIT HARDER..... new
      #155199 - 05/28/05 08:48 AM

Dear Friend,

I understand your situation, buts is almost mine. My name is Walter, 38 years old, poistive since 1999.I had oportunistics infections, my cd4 is 480 and viral load about 50.000. But the worst feeling is DEPRESSION. So fight for your right to be happy. Itīs not easy, I know. So dificult open our eyes day by day. But Aids is no longer a death sentence, but still not found a cure. And depression is dangerous for us. Iīm so depresssed my therapist work with me all tim, I take medicines for anxiety and depression. Take care. YOU SHOULD LIVE. iF WANNA WRITE ME my e-mail address is reboucas73@hotmail.com

take care

Walter

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Why Should I live? new
      #156026 - 06/08/05 05:06 PM

Hi Buddy. It sounds to me like things sort are of messed up. First I do completely understand your feelings and you do need to try another doctor. If you have told him how depressed you are then it is amazing to me that he has not put you on anti-depressent medicine. Also you said "friends came to rescue you." Why can't they help in getting you the treatment you need and deserve? Have you even expressed yourself to your doctor as you have here? Last you should live because there is a big wonderful world out there with lots of loving people and also because personally I ask you to try a bit harder in getting help because I would like you to come visit me and my family here in Long Beach and let us take you to the shore where you could listen to the waves, get fresh air and be around many people who care.
Love Dan

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Dan
Unregistered

Re: Why Should I live? new
      #156027 - 06/08/05 05:10 PM

Sorry, but I did not post my E-mail address. It is
(dantiger@verizon.net). Write me anytime you want.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Why Should I live? new
      #156035 - 06/09/05 03:11 AM

Clockwatcher...I have been HIV+ for over 3yrs now. My lover died last Oct of Aids after fighting for 16yrs and showing more courage than I ever imagine was possible. Last Jan. I too could not find a reason to live...my heart & soul was gone and life seemed impossibe without him. I tried to commit suicide New Years Eve...took enough narcotics to kill 3 people but somehow I survived to tell the tale. I have discovered since that life is a gift. How we deal with death is just as important as how we dealt with life. My family disowned me too and are suppose to be good God fearing christians...Doesn't matter. You have a computer to access this site...try to find something you can do from your bed and your heart that might help or reasure others like yourself. I think you'll find that by helping others not only will you dwell less on your own difficulties but you'll actually feel better. Take the plunge with me and let's get thru this together with all of our brothers & sisters of the world. Whether we survive today or not...let us do so with dignity, grace and courage. Let's be inspirations for others like ourselves...It's good karma, my new friend. David

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daiseydave
Newbie

Reged: 06/09/05
Posts: 8
Loc: Gulfport, Ms.
Re: Why Should I live? new
      #156036 - 06/09/05 03:29 AM

Sorry good buddy...just joined the body and wasn't logged in....I sent you the post dated 6-9-05 from David. Feel free to reach out anytime to me. I am here if you need a friend!

--------------------
David.....IN MEMORY OF RAYMOND DAVID
MCRAE III NOV25,1971-OCT15,2004

CD4: 522
VL: 12,226

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DavidnDavid
Newbie

Reged: 06/11/05
Posts: 2
Loc: Gulfport, Ms
Re: Why Should I live? new
      #156124 - 06/12/05 04:57 AM

Life is a gift...I learned the hard way just how very special it is good buddy. I tried to commit suicide last Jan....took enough narcotics to kill 3 people but God had other plans for me hence my being here with you now. Talk to me before you do anything you'll regret. Send me a PM or email me either one...There's life after HIV infection....David

--------------------
David4youalways

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Why Should I live? new
      #158491 - 08/11/05 08:14 AM

Well my friend, the good news is that there is always hope. I am healthy HIV positive for 19 years.

Perhaps it will help you to remember that when days seem their darkest, that you can't possibly go on, and your body is racked with pain, just remember that God will never place more on your plate during any given day, than what you are capable of handling. Things that don't kill us, do indeed make us stronger.

I am so very sorry that your family acted in such an uneducated, ignorant manner. The decision to dis-own you is sad, and is an action that they will someday have to answer to. For every door closed, they say a couple windows are opened.

When your family closed their door on you, God sent you some pretty special friends, who obviously care for you very much. Embrace their love and friendship, and try not to dwell on the actions of your family.

If you wish to chat further, please feel free to e-mail me at: bangert1@webtv.net

I would be honored to be your friend.

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DavidSolomon
All Star

Reged: 02/17/06
Posts: 95
Loc: Gilbert (Phoenix) Arizona
Re: TRY, JUST LITTLE BIT HARDER..... new
      #177249 - 02/25/06 09:07 PM

Clock and Walter, add me to your list of emails as well. You will fine mine listed in my profile. I will be glad to visit with you.

david

--------------------
David

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