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dontknow
Newbie

Reged: 02/01/05
Posts: 2
stupid thinking with the little head.
      #133890 - 02/02/05 07:32 AM

Hello
this is a long post but I need someone to talk to. I am in NY. About 5 years ago I started have sex with males. I am bi and enjoy both female and male. At first I started out getting BJ's and about two years ago started giving BJ's ( it looked so yummy!)I have had anal ( as top ) usually protected but twice did it unprotected. I have never had anal where I am the bottom. I noticed my throat was really red a while back and went to two general MD( the general MD's said it was real red and odd but could not find anything wrong) and one throat/ear guy. The throat guy said my throat was normal. I am not sure I believe it because about every two months I get soars on my right ear ( this is going on for two years) I have always had bad teeth ( lots of cavities) but no bleeding on the gums. I went to the dentist for some work and asked the dentist if I had gum disease and he said a little but not too bad ( he said almost everyone has some gum disease in some small form. So my two biggest worries are teeth and throat.
I started a relation ship with a woman about a year ago and I took a look at the interent on oral sex, quickly found the calif study which said oral sex was zero risk.So I gave my past no more thought. anyway my girl friend had a pap smear done and she got a abnormal result. from reading about abnormal results, it is quite common but I began to look into my sexual behavior and risks.I now see that some studies say it is an 8 percent risk to no risk of hiv transmission,. From what I am reading M to M sex is very bad. Every time I turn around I am reading std's on rise, high in gay community and on and on, that is frustrating to hear and makes me a little pissed off because I wish there was more positive information available on M to M sexual relations.
I have had maybe 100 bj's from guys and I have sucked at least 45 men. ( 30 I can remember but I added an extra 15 ).
I am so worried now after reading all on the internet and I was hoping this forum would ease my mind but there do not seem to be many men posting about their oral sex experience and hiv neg results. I know I need to get tested ( I have not told GF because I do not want her to get worried without more info ). The more I think about it the more I get scared and then I do not do anything. Are there any gay men that are active but hiv neg? Is there anyone I can speak with that can share their experience with me?
my email is hardpool2@yahoo.com
thank you.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: stupid thinking with the little head. new
      #133914 - 02/02/05 04:21 PM

You are definitely thinking with your little head. Stop worrying, get tested, and start using condoms!

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Dr Patch
Unregistered

Re: stupid thinking with the little head. new
      #133940 - 02/02/05 11:20 PM

About your gf: is she on the pill? Sometimes thinprep paps have false "abnormals" for pill users. Or she might have HPV- as it turns out, almost everyone who is sexually active does! It's usually no biggie if it's monitored and caught early- worst case scenario, she'll have to have the afflicted part "zapped," to prevent further complications. But most girls are able to beat HPV infections on their own, and they are NOT indicative of a positive HIV status. I'd recommend that your gf either gets another pap in 3 months or gets an HPV test. If the HPV test is positive, she should get a colposcopy, which is sort of a high-tech word for a close-up examination of the cervix.

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dontknow
Newbie

Reged: 02/01/05
Posts: 2
Re: stupid thinking with the little head. new
      #133951 - 02/03/05 07:47 AM

Thank you Dr Patch and Anonymous. as for the gf, no she is not on the pill. I am working on going for the test. I am so mad at myself for not really exploring and learning more. I am hoping this is a wake up call and that I will be graced with the ability to remember the need to be extra safe, it is amazing but I just wish there were more positive stories of gay men and sexual relationships. well at least I am not self diagnosing and trying to figure out what the pimple on my butt is!!!! anythought on how to prepare for positive results or negative results. I do not know how I will handle it or if I can handle it.

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healthyPOZbttm
Newbie

Reged: 02/11/05
Posts: 5
Loc: Dallas, TX
Re: stupid thinking with the little head. new
      #134373 - 02/11/05 06:00 PM

My husband loves to suck me off. He's negative and we have been together over 5 years now. He's sucked me off hundreds of times. We are just both aware of what is reasonable risk. For instance, if he brushed his teeth too hard and is bleeding, then no sucking. Your saliva and stomach acids kill HIV so we don't worry. Plus I have always been undetectable and a person's viral load has a lot to do with transmission success as well too.

The internet is always information overload. Trust what your doctor says. If you want another opinon, go to another doctor, but since there is so much out there on the internet it's easy to become overwhelmed by everything. Since you live in New York, there are so many great organizations in the city you can contact too, like the Gay Men's Clinic, etc., that is usually free to talk to someone instead of consulting more doctors. But trust experts, and if you read information on the internet, make sure they aren't just some staff writer. Go to the experts. The body website is great, you should ask your question in one of the Ask the Experts forums.

I'm betting you are just fine.

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healthyPOZbttm
Newbie

Reged: 02/11/05
Posts: 5
Loc: Dallas, TX
Re: stupid thinking with the little head. new
      #134374 - 02/11/05 06:14 PM

As far as preparing yourself...the best advice is don't look to blame anyone else. And don't blame youself.

I turned POZ because I was barebacking for years, I was having one night stands almost every night. I just didn't even care. I was playing with fire every time. So when I got tested and received my results, my attitude was, OK what next? I was the only one responsible for my actions. No one else gave this to me but me. So, since I was already ready to take responsibility, it was SO easy to just do what needed to be done. I found a great HIV expert in Dallas who is one of the top doctors in the field through my local AIDS Resource Center. Most major cities have them. I just asked them for a list of HIV specialists in the area and compared the list to my work health plan provider list. Most of the Doctors were on there. Dallas has it's own monthly magazine called "D" Magazine. There was an article during the time I tested positive about the top HIV doctors in Dallas. I was able to choose a great one. I'm betting you could do the same for New York.

The scariest part was just not knowing, or thinking my life was going to change so much. Well, it did, BUT in just a GOOD WAY. I quite smoking, I stopped drinking and only drink red wine now. I don't go clubbing all the time. I got my lazy ass off the couch and started working out more. I changed all my eating habits and no longer keep junk food in the fridge or cupboard anymore. Taking HIV meds was a breeze because I already took a multi-vitamin...just think of it like that if you have to go that route.

Most important, I didn't let being POZ take control. I stayed in control, and I have never been sick for 8 years now. Sure the normal cold and/or flu pops up every now and then, but I would have gotten it anyway even if I weren't POZ, so don't freak yourself out every time you start to sniffle.

You are in control, you are going to be OK, and you are going to take better care of your body. That is all there is to it. I've made other posts here on this sight and I'll say it again. I've seen negative people who are less healthy than I am. I've also seen POZ guys that die within a couple of years of finding out because they did NOTHING to change their bad habits of partying hard, bad eating, smoking, etc.

I know in my heart and because my doctor keeps telling me, I have a very long life ahead, living way past 60...so it's not a death sentence, it's just a wake up call to take better care of YOU.

Also, it doesn't mean you have to start making expensive life changes either. Just take a simple Centrum a day, fresh veggies are a whole lot cheaper than bags of chips. You don't need tonz of suppliments. Sure, they do some people a lot of good, but they aren't for everyone. Just eat right, live better, and STAY FOCUSED on being healthy. It's totally going to be alright!! HIV does not define who you are. YOU do.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: stupid thinking with the little head. new
      #134464 - 02/14/05 07:00 PM

Get tested stud, it's the best thing for you and your girlfriend. You could wind up having a poz baby -- and a poz girlfriend. Do the right thing, test, and start making the right decisions....I just tested positive in the last month, I have no unsafe sex, save one time a guy pulled off the condom without my permission, He is most probably truthful about his negative status, which means me giving blow jobs has been my down fall. I'm healthy and meticulous about oral health, but in some positions nothing stops cum running into the nasal cavity, and I do get bloody noses easy... So when we call it safe sex, we are wrong, we can only really have Safer Sex, play safer than you think you need too...... And if you have to, don't give blow jobs (sorry boys) there are plenty out there who like nothing better then to give ;-)

Be Well

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