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Reged: 01/07/05
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Chasing the infamous Bug
      #132669 - 01/07/05 09:34 PM

Okay guys now that I have your attention, let me start by asking that you be fair to the topic. I am not trying to inspire an emotional attack from either side.

However, I decided to wait until after all the fallout happened from the rolling stone article and the bareback articles there after. Mostly because tesion was think at the time.

But this question is to those who have gone bareback (in search of being infected ) and managed to acquire HIV. I would like to discuss that with you. Now to those who say this is a myth I can assure you that it isn't I have spoken to at least one person that did this very thing but I lost touch with him after he succeeded.

His story, was different he was aware of a gene that he inherited that made acquiring HIV extrodinarily hard. He also like the game of playing with the chance. He eventually become HIV+ and the story ended there - for me.

I am curious is this a common story? Are there people out there testing the limits of a newly discovered gene? I am just downright curious about this whole topic. And would like to encourage dialog.

If you are interested reply.

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Re: Chasing the infamous Bug new
      #132748 - 01/10/05 06:09 PM

It's a thin line between unfortunate and reckless and then there's unexplainable, like mr bugchaser. LIke people who have a system for roulette. Sure, make a living from poker, but not roulette.

The Rolling Stone article is over-dramatic. Rather dully, most +ve and -ve gay men don't have risky unprotected sex, certainly not intentionally. Just a few, and mainly with people of equal HIV status. This is what loads of research say. But it's not dramatic. It's not rock n roll.

As for barefronting, is there an issue with straight men and condoms, I dunno.. maybe!?

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Re: Chasing the infamous Bug new
      #132760 - 01/10/05 10:16 PM

Curiously enough, I am poz and have been on numerous occassions asked by "bug chasers" to give them a "charged load". I have always declined, and when I have tried to question them in an attempt to try to understand why they would do this, they have become hostile and defensive and have moved on to another potential source of whatever it is they are in search of. I cannot fathom why anyone would consciously seek this out, but they do. Without a doubt, this is not all that uncommon.

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Re: Chasing the infamous Bug new
      #132770 - 01/11/05 03:28 AM

I, too, have been approached by men wanting me to infect them. I am curious about what these guys are thinking, but rather than ask, I am forced to dismiss them as mentally ill and self destructive.

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Reged: 11/06/04
Posts: 43
Loc: Denver, CO
Re: Chasing the infamous Bug new
      #132778 - 01/11/05 04:21 AM

In June 2004 I was in a severe depression, and had bareback sex with a known HIV+ top. It was a mistake I made and still dealing with to this day. I didnt care, etc at the time.

Since some guys have found out I am HIV+, they have approached me to infect them, I have refused to do so.

I was talking with my therapist today, and the feeling in the gay community is that they will get HIV anyways, so they go looking tor it to be done with it.

Dx Poz 10-18-04, Infected June 04
We are human and prone to making mistakes, dont dwell on them.

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Re: Chasing the infamous Bug new
      #132925 - 01/14/05 04:41 AM

Foster, I can very much identify with what you went through... I've been more or less on the same road the past couple of years. Thinking of it - it only started in my early thirties, not that I think age had something to do with it. I met my x who told me he was +...we sometimes had unprotected sex...and up to today I still have unprotected sex, obviously feeling extremely quilty and depressed afterwards. Is it a sort of a self-destructive emotion - behaviour...not to deal with issues we might not be aware of. I'm sure I might be positive by now..and am trying to completely withdraw myself from any sexual behaviour.


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Re: Chasing the infamous Bug new
      #133397 - 01/23/05 06:59 PM

I succeeded about a year ago in finding my "gift-giver". I was a bug chaser on a mission, and now that I have successfully accomplished what I set-out to do, I am living with regret and a very uncertain future. I wish I could turn back time and be negative again. This is certainly NOT what I bargained for.
My quest for "status" and regognition was fulfilled. I now belong somewhere...I have a home in the HIV community, and a lot of caring sympathetic people. But, life before HIV was much more secure and certain. My career is now in jeopardy, as well as my family, friends, and social position. I am becoming too weak to do my job, and I have alienated several people after my diagnosis.
I have a story to tell..I'd love to share it with you all, and hopefully discourage others from following in my footsteps.

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Re: Chasing the infamous Bug new
      #137381 - 03/10/05 03:07 AM

to robmed911 and any others who have similar stories, i would be very interested in talking to you if you about your personal stories from what drove you to decide to seek out the virus to the process of trying to convert and your perspective once you "succeeded" and how that may have changed once you began to deal with what it means to you physically and mentally now. I am a 41 year old gay man (negative as of my last test in may, 2004). Many of my contemporaries simply do not believe me when i discuss the notion of "bug chasing" or "gift giving". It was an enormously difficult concept for me to wrap my brain around at first, but I now recognize that there are a number of reasons and factors that may lead to that decision.

For a variety of reasons, at some point, many of us who were still negative stopped thinking and talking about what had happened around us and TO us and, with the advent of the "cocktail" and the notion of HIV as a "chronic manageable illness" we allowed ourselves to play in the fantasy that the worst was over and we poured our energies into trying to pick up the pieces and put on a good face.

The notion that we "escaped" or "survived" is a natural one to have when even your doctors are proclaiming elation at the prospects for treatment. But i know that I haven't survived and I can no longer block out the way that the virus has continued to, for lack of a better word, thrive among gay men just because it isn't inside my body.

I am distributing a film on the subject of gift giving and have begun to talk at length with friends who are Poz about their perspectives and mine. Sadly, that is something that neither they nor I had ever done and it is both a relief and a lesson to both of us.

I am shouted down when I try to discuss this subject. I understand the concern of a backlash from conservatives (among other things) but I also know that in trying to hide the truth we are ignoring someone like you who we might still reach. I also believe that just as we showed the world how to deal with AIDS when it hit us first, we will show them again. We are simply 10 years ahead of other segments of the population in experiencing the mental and physical toll that this epidemic brings.

so please do write me if you would like to. I am in New York City and we need all the help and guidance and strength we can find! my email is:

bless you if your read this whole damn post

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Reged: 02/17/06
Posts: 95
Loc: Gilbert (Phoenix) Arizona
Re: Chasing the infamous Bug new
      #175860 - 02/19/06 04:06 AM

I will learn something here--I don't understand why someone would want to be sick and ask for help with it.

I will teach something here--whatever you do, do not beat yourself up as to why did I do that, I knew better. Forget all that. It's done. Go forward in a good manner work with friends and doctors, whatever it takes. But never say that you are a bad person because you did what you did. Because it's not true. You were a good person before--you are now. That part hasn't changed.



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