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PianoCrasher
Unregistered

Giving up
      #111824 - 09/22/04 01:38 PM

After 12 known yrs of having and battling HIV and HCV, I've decided to give up. I'm bi-polar, too, and it's all become too much for me to handle. Support, family, friends are non-existant in my life. I don't post here to have guys encourage me to keep fighting. Instead, my post is a declaration of freedom of choice. HIV has entered my brain and I can expect dementia soon. I wish to depart with some measure of dignity. So I'm taking matters out of the hands of the limited number of ID docs in my area, who only rush through a cursory exam and totally lack compassion, and putting them into my own hands. This is not a suicide note! Although I reserve that right should my condition become intolerable. I'm simply discontinuing medication and focusing on my mental health and death with dignity. Any comments or similar feelings?

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Myhighergrounds
Unregistered

Answer new
      #111838 - 09/22/04 10:58 PM

Dear Giving up one...
is that giving up... I am not so sure. I admire your honesty and determination... matter of fact is, you still don't know WHEN and HOW this all will crash, if ever. I hope you won't rely on the statistics the same docs gave you, but more on your own instinct. If you think it is time for you to let it go, I respect that immensely. I ask you, however, what if for another amount time you will be doing fine... I mean why give up what you have not lost yet?
If it is dignity you will be leaving with, please as human being leave me something I can hold dear to in my life. For we are parts of the whole and what affects you does indirectly affect me.
Hope to hear from you...
:)
Mi

myhighergrounds@hotmail.com

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raffle1
Unregistered

Re: Giving up new
      #111846 - 09/23/04 02:23 PM

You sound so much like me. I too, am at a point of giving up. I don't know how you would feel about it... but, if you would like a friend, there is one waiting out here. Maybe we can get to know a good person before we go!!!!!!!

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deeLL
Regular

Reged: 07/19/04
Posts: 25
Loc: Africa
Re: Giving up new
      #111848 - 09/23/04 02:42 PM

You know.... I have only recently been diagnosed as + (26 June 2004) and I am certainly not going to come to this board to preach or lecture you. I also cannot even beging to pretend that I understand what stage you are at and... at the end of the day the decision is yours.

But... for what it is worth..... I do not want you give up!

You are in my prayers no matter what you decide.

Love,

D

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deeLL
Regular

Reged: 07/19/04
Posts: 25
Loc: Africa
Re: Giving up new
      #111849 - 09/23/04 02:44 PM

And... what I wrote earlier goes for you too.

Love,

D

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Moffie
All Star

Reged: 02/14/04
Posts: 85
Loc: Arizona
Re: Giving up new
      #111891 - 09/24/04 11:40 AM

Hi Piano;

I can't tell you how many I have said good-bye to in the last 30 years, actually I can, it is between 170 and 175. Unfortunately with all the illnesses that I have gone through, it has left my memory somewhat clouded.

You won't be lonely on the other side, for there are many over there who are still in the HIV fight. You might be able to get more done on the other side than here, who knows. Having been there once, I want to let you know that there is no pain, and the utter feeling of peace is indescribable.

Needless to say I am not going to try to diswade you from giving up the fight, for I am not in your body, and I have no business judging you for it. I only thank you for being so honest and up front with your feelings, for this shows a strength of character that most are unable to comprehend. I will be thinking of you in your time of need and transition, and will send positive energy to you whenever you come up in my mind.

My peace to you, and when it is not difficult, please keep us posted on your journey.

Peace, out.

--------------------
Yours;
Tim
"Living Positive Since '83"

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PozInFl
Member

Reged: 06/29/04
Posts: 12
Loc: Northeastern FL
Re: Giving up new
      #111995 - 09/28/04 10:51 AM

Good Day, Pianocrasher,

I can't say I know how you feel, since I am not in your shoes...I do have a friend who has the same condition as you do, and it is slowly progressing...While this is very painful for me to see, I know he is living his life as he sees fit, is living it to his potential and is loving the life he has created...Your decisions are yours alone and I respect them tremendously...Know your soul is connected to mine as all of ours all, and I hope you aren't sitting out this dance of life!!!

BIG HUG


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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Giving up new
      #112259 - 10/04/04 08:35 AM

Hope.Love,and dignity,is the key.The world is with you.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Giving up new
      #112295 - 10/05/04 06:41 AM

HIV attacked my brain and spine in late 2002, but now I'm doing okay, so please don't give up hope ... yet ((HUG)))

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Rod
Newbie

Reged: 10/19/04
Posts: 3
Loc: Vero Bch, Fl.
Re: Giving up new
      #112926 - 10/19/04 07:52 PM

Yea I know what ya mean ,most days I ask why ... But on the other hand , I am afriad I might miss something.., However I have been off drugs for 6 months now , because The Last mix I was on turned against me ,messing with my liver turning into Jundice .. So I just told Doctor ...HEY what are we doing here ..If you have to have treatment for other things , Thats HIV med's are distroying (other organs) I don't like pills or shots especialy if causeing other problems..
So I know where you are now.. It really bites , Just take care of yourself( EAT < EXERCISE < PARTY and get what we can out of this life ...
I'll be here if ya wantta chat buddy : mrrgp_fl@yahoo.com I'm online most od day and night

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DavidSolomon
All Star

Reged: 02/17/06
Posts: 95
Loc: Gilbert (Phoenix) Arizona
Re: Giving up new
      #175958 - 02/19/06 07:04 PM

I understand what you say. My brother even had gone as far as to get something from the doctor to "do it yourself" and get out when things were just too overbearing for him. It got him beforehand, but I knew he was at the giving up stage and planning further along. I did let him know that since it was his decision and his alone, I respected that. So yes, I do know what you say.

Just to visit if you can, and want to, email me anytime.

david.

--------------------
David

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