safer sex? - TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards

To whom it may concern,

I recently became HIV positive and since have discovered a few facts that could be of benefit to the wider community.

I came out in my late 20s. When I did, I wasn’t upset at being a late starter because HIV had come out before I did. I thought this gave me the opportunity to stay HIV negative.

I spent the next 8 years mostly having relationships and had a total of 16 sexual partners. When my last relationship ended I decided to explore my sexuality and I had the confidence to do so. (This came from self-growth over the years)

In the last two and a half years I practised casual sex. In that time I’ve had around 25-30 partners. Most of these were through internet meetings. My point being that the partners were not completely anonymous and the place of meeting was in a bedroom where conditions were lit and unhurried.

This journey was amazing and enlightening. I learnt a great deal about myself, relating to men sexually and how casual sex operates. I also had some great sex. It was cathartic to be able to express myself without guilt and fear from community homophobia.

I have always been a sensible person, I used to educate and counsel at a volunteer gay service. I don’t get drunk or take drugs. And of course safe sex has always been of paramount importance. So I’m having a very difficult time understanding why and how I have become infected.

The risk activities include: oral sex (but no one has cum in my mouth), rimming, and deep kissing. All anal sex (this occurred with about 60% of partners) was with condoms. I never detected a condom break. Of those that penetrated me, many actually withdrew and ejaculated outside of me.

On three occasions, guys rubbed their penis around my anus (‘nudging’) before putting condoms on (but not in a vigorous manner). I was concerned about one of these events as his penis entered about 1 cm. I contacted this partner who confirmed his negative status and was happy to back this up with his doctor. Of the other two only one falls within the 2- 10 week sero conversion period. In this case that behaviour was brief as I asked for a condom to be used.

I can guarantee that all anal sex I participated in was with condoms, so it seems to me that my infection was through a low risk activity.

Therefore I feel it of vital importance that this information is publicised.

Recently I have been doing my own research and I have found two separate surveys (one from the University of New South Wales, the other by the University of San Francisco) that report oral sex to be the cause of transmission in 8-12% of cases. I wish I knew of this finding beforehand.

From the safe sex message being perpetrated by the relevant organizations I was informed that oral sex was very low risk and from some professionals in the field the implication was almost no risk i.e.: “there has only been one reported case and they had gum disease”. I was told this in the past and again in 2003 after I was diagnosed.

I have also found out about Palatine Torus. This is a condition with the roof of the mouth where the bone is slightly lumpy causing the gum to be a bit thinner. It’s a common occurrence. If a person has one it can cause undetectable ulcers just from eating. A dentist said this is a possible cause for transmission. Why am I finding out this information now.

Another area of concern for me is the journey after being diagnosed. Of all the professionals that I have seen, doctors, HIV experts and counsellors, only one has shown any understanding of what a shock this has been for me. That one person was my GP who knew me well and with whom I had discussed all my sexual practises before diagnosis. This doctor was also shocked that I had contracted the virus.

Everyone else seems to have forgotten what a new diagnosis means. They are all in the “dealing with your new life now” mode. I understand that this will be a larger part of my new journey. Even though finding out is a short stage, it is a very intense one. For me that intensity was reflected in suicidal thoughts.

I still feel that there was no real support for this stage and a lack of understanding shown by the majority of the professionals treating me.

One of the more disturbing reactions was from the Health department. The person I spoke to was not interested in the fact that my cause of transmission is unknown and that I had practised ‘safer sex’. Her response was “sometimes you forget things” and she gave me a personal example: “I can tell you that I eat porridge every day but there may actually be a day when I didn’t”. I am a responsible person and I treat sex with a great deal more gravity than eating breakfast cereal. (I also drive everyday but I do not forget to put a seat belt on).
This is an outrageous attitude from a government department that is designed to watch out for any new areas of concern for public health. If it turns out that there is a higher risk than previously thought in ‘low risk’ activities then the Health Department has a responsibility to investigate situations like mine.

Recently there has been press about the recent rise in HIV infections. These articles site unprotected intercourse as the main cause for this rise. I find this dumbfounding as no authority has interviewed me about my infection. (my doctor put the word ‘unknown’ on the report to the health department).
I am offended that it is assumed I practise unsafe behaviour. I wonder how these claims can be made when, through my experience, there is no formal method of finding out this information. I have also come into contact with many others who have unknown causes of transmission.
This is of grave concern mostly for the members of the community that are following the safer sex education that is currently available. It’s also as an indication of the inadequate state of the HIV service sector.

I hope this information is of some value to your organization and to the members of the public that come into contact with you.

Sincerely
Mike Hogarth
GPO Box 390
Glebe
NSW
2037

Email:
yourpositivestory@hotmail.com

Post Extras: Remind Me!