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jessicaannx0
Newbie

Reged: 03/14/10
Posts: 1
so hard after 15 years!
      #249761 - 03/14/10 11:54 PM

Ok so im 22 years old and my dad had HIV i was only 5 years old when he passed away my mom always told me that he died from something else and i believed every word that she said. when i turned maybe 14 years old i didnt hear it from her i heard it someone that was basically talking trash about it and so i had to say something to her about. i was so pissed off at her and still am to this day i should of known the full details on why my own dad died. how do you get over something like this after knowing this for so many years i still find myself crying everyday wishing he was still here because i need him.. someone help and tell me how to turn that around.

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oldwoman
Guardian

Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 435
Loc: Phila,Pa
Re: so hard after 15 years! new
      #249767 - 03/15/10 02:24 PM

I honestly don't know how you get over that,it seems like your Mom has completely broken your trust in her.And the way you found out was very ugly.Have you talked to her about why she lied to you?I'm thinking she probably did it to protect you from exactly what happened anyway.Do you have another adult you can talk too?Maybe a relative who knew your Father?Have you talked to a counselor?
Take care
Terry

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Angel_Ronnie
Guru

Reged: 06/01/06
Posts: 256
Loc: Gauteng, South Africa
Re: so hard after 15 years! new
      #249773 - 03/16/10 03:48 AM

You need to over look the way your mother kept it from you, as a mother she with held it from you to protect you, if she had to tell you the truth it would have hurt you more and since you were 5 years old it was for the safety that you don't get hurt by others. if you think about it if it had to be you in her shoes wouldn't you do anything to protect your child from being hurt in any way?

--------------------
"Live for today, because what you do today is what you use to make your future"

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Rochelle
Regular

Reged: 01/31/10
Posts: 26
Re: so hard after 15 years! new
      #249780 - 03/17/10 09:28 AM

You need to forgive your mother. I do believe that she did what she had to under the circumstances. How would a child your age would have understood what was happening? Have you ever considered what she must have been going through at that time as well?

She lost her husband. I am assuming that he was her husband. She was probably scared to death that she might have been infected too. Not only that, information fifteen years ago was not as clear as they are today. I doubt very much that she would have been told that that were conclusively negative at 6 to 12 months. Persons were told they had to test out to some outrageous amount of years before they were considered cleared from exposure by an infected partner.

I am not saying that she was right, but I do beleive that she did the best she could have with the knowledge she had. Not only that, she was saving herself and you from discrimination. You were only five, I am sure some persons might have considered you were born HIV+.

Forgive your mother. You have NO idea what other information she might be protecting you from. That may be the reason for you missing your dad so much. She is perserving his memories for you.

Move on. Learn from your father's death. Educate yourself about HIV/AIDS and live a long and happy life!

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tsholofelo
Newbie

Reged: 03/16/10
Posts: 7
Re: so hard after 15 years! new
      #249809 - 03/19/10 11:03 AM

hello jessicca,

let me ask you,would you have felt any different had he died from something else?u need to ask ur self why it hurts?are u hurting because ur father had AIDS or u hurting because he died and u miss him.like all other people are saying,as a Mother u feel u have to protect ur children from that stigma.i too lost my father when i was 13yrs,i was told a lot of stories now as an adult i remembered all the signs and symptoms,i went as far as to see his death cerificate & indeed he had died from AIDs related diseases.but i never got mad at my mother,because that was the years when people would start telling tales the minute they see u get sick.i undertood that it was for my protection and i thank my mother for going an extra mile for me.

mend ur relationship with ur mom,forgive her,for trying to protect u.dont waste any of ur prescious time with her,she did what most parents would have done.LEARN

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