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honeybee55_1952
Newbie

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 1
Ex boyfriend HIV postive
      #242655 - 10/09/08 06:06 PM

I am not sure what I should do...I but for the grace of God didnt get HIV from my exboyfriend he didnt tell me until after we had been together quiet awhile and then I forced the issue because of the pills I saw him taking...I found out he has had it since 1995 and wasnt honest with me...Now I have found out he is on sex swap sites and other sites and not telling anyone he is Postive I tried to warn a woman about him and she said I just sounded like a jealous ex girlfriend so I let it go ...He isnt being responsible what can I do if anything I dont want someone else to be in my shoes and end up unlucky instead of like me testing neg for 2 years....any ideas?

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RayNGrant
Member

Reged: 12/12/07
Posts: 10
Loc: Minnesota
Re: Ex boyfriend HIV postive new
      #242754 - 10/16/08 11:56 AM

Well there really isn't anything you can do about it. It's the same lose-lose situation when you find out that someone is cheating on a best friend/relative. To tell the person about the infidelity only sets up a confrontational situation because THAT person is too "in love" to listen and is going to be defensive about any info you provide. By the same token if you don't tell them, they'll be angry when they learn that you knew and never told them. And to have what to them is a total stranger or ex calling up/e-mailing "allegations" of HIV infection, they're not going to listen.

Bottom line is we ALL as individuals in the Age of AIDS/HIV have to assume EVERYONE we meet is POZ and to use precautions during sex until you REALLY get to know the person. You have to THINK with your brain rather than your genitals or emotions.

Each individual is ULTIMATELY responsible for his/her own health and safety and you can NOT rely on others to do it for you.

I am a gay guy and I've met guys who didn't disclose to me they were POZ until AFTER we'd had sex. Fortunately the activities that I enjoy are VERY low risk, so it was not a big deal. No different than if these individuals simply didn't know they were POZ. But it still feels rotten that they didn't have the consideration to disclose before hand. Besides the risk they put their partners in potentially, the LACK of trust and integrity becomes glaringly clear in such situations regarding any chance of a long term relationship with guys like that.

All you can do is let this go... Your ex is not the only person doing this, and it's a major problem in general. The stigma is HUGE in our society. This doesn't justify these folks dishonesty, but that's why it happens.

LESSON learned - don't do unprotected sex with ANYONE unless you're BOTH committing to at minimum a FLUID monogamous relationship AND you've BOTH been tested for HIV and come back NEG. And it's not easy to stand up to an insistent partner, but you MUST for your own protection. If your partner truly loves you and has EDUCATED him/herself regarding HIV transmission (not going on dangerous and stupid wive's tales!), then that person will understand. If not, then that person is NOT worth having in your life.

Stay strong and keep aware!!!

Ray


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Jake23
Newbie

Reged: 10/16/08
Posts: 1
Re: Ex boyfriend HIV postive new
      #242769 - 10/17/08 12:15 AM

I really feel for you and I do understand what you are going through trust me. I met a boy lets call him "O" 5 years ago. It was the best thing that could happen to me he was kind, loving, caring and I fell in love with him. 6 months down the line he told me he was HIV + and did not tell me as he thought I would leave him. I was a bit dissapointed with him that he had not told me, but I was in love and I accepted him. BTW, we always had protected sex from day one. So risk of getting HIV was minimum, but had I known I would have taken extra precaution such as no sperm on my body etc.

Anyway to cut a long story short, I went on the net and I found out all there is about HIV and how I could help him with alternative medicine. I subsribed to the Body and also made friends with other HIV + people and sometimes also indicated to them that I was + myself so that I could become friends with them.

6-8 months ago, I found out by co-incident that my beloved O was on the net, (not looking for HIV information of course), but been on gayromeo, searching for other men to have sex dates.... This broke my heart and I confronted him. All he said is that this is the new "O", and I could either accept it or could leave him. I know some of the guys that he has been dating and I am sure that he has NOT told them about his HIV status, and hence the same dilemma I have? Should I tell them or should I just forget about it. They are definately not in love with him (as its clearly casual sex) so I don't think that it would be confrontational. But then one side of me thinks. "Hey these guy know "O" has a BF and they still are fooling around....so let them get what they deserve. The other side of course says I should inform them, but then of course "O" will think I am out to ruin any chance of his to get guys and I am doing this as a jelous lover....which to be honest partly true.....

My decision is to move away from this relationship and open my heart to a new and more fullfulling relationship, someone who deserves us as we have so much love to give and don't need to be cought up with someone that is vibrating at such a low level....
comments are most welcome and sorry if I have offended any HIV + person....

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Margaret
Regular

Reged: 03/15/07
Posts: 38
Re: Ex boyfriend HIV postive new
      #243835 - 01/13/09 01:52 AM

Theres nothing you can do I dont know if you know the saying "Dont shoot the messanger:? that would be yo
What ever you do or say either you wont be believed or they will think you starting rumours. This is a situation you cant win
Just thank god or who ever you believe in that your negative
Becareful in future never have unprotected sex better still wait a few weeks before you have sex at all this goes for every person male male female male whom ever.
Get to know them first talk have fun and then ask the biggie
Are you poz or neg and can you prove it.
It was so easy ijn my day (70s) all you could get was pregnant or the POX. So just be cautious and sad to say forget your concience thers nothing you can for him or anyone else. This is called LIFE and the creeps male and female that sometimes inhabit it.
Start 2009 with joy be happy for yourself.
If you really feel sad maybe a bit of VOL work might help
Happy New Year Margaret

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allangering
Regular

Reged: 07/04/09
Posts: 46
Re: Ex boyfriend HIV postive new
      #247892 - 10/08/09 04:54 AM

If your BF had sex only once or a few times with the HIV infected person, then the odds are strong his isn't infected. But of course he needs to be tested to be sure. If his HIV test is negative, you have no worries--assuming that's your only potential risk for HIV. Blood tests do not check for HIV or for CD4 cell counts unless the provider specifically requests those tests. CD4 testing generally is not done at all unless the HIV test is positive. If you are concerned about HIV, ask your health care provider to test you for it.
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