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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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Since4Ever
Member

Reged: 12/17/06
Posts: 10
Loc: Shenandoah Valley, Virginia
Long-time v. Newer Positive Status
      #219147 - 12/19/06 12:27 PM

There was a question of what was the hardest part of living with a virus.

I'm interested in how people feel about it who seroconverted after it was known what it was and how to avoid it versus those who seroconverted before it was identified.

I have a feeling I know where I got it but there's no resentment or anything because none of us knew there was anything to get, much less that it was potentially fatal. I'm also from the Elizabeth Glaser school of though that it's better to fix the problem than to fix the blame.

I guess I'm mainly interested in how the answers to the question "what is the hardest part of living with a virus" differ between people who crossed over before the illness or its transmission was identified versus those who converted recently.

Originally, it was pretty much seen as a death sentence since death was one of the cases' hallmarks, and as time went on the view changed more and more to "potentially fatal but frequently manageable" chronic condition. I think this might influence the answers to the original question by the two diffferent groups.

I know there must have been a "gray area" in there too where it might have been better known in our larger gayer cities, and among populations that were more commonly affected.

Any thoughts?


--------------------
Cheers,
Since4Ever

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ScotCharles
Legend

Reged: 05/06/05
Posts: 924
Loc: Los Angeles
Re: Long-time v. Newer Positive Status new
      #219186 - 12/19/06 08:20 PM

The doctor who confirmed the Red Cross diagnosis of HIV (HTLVIII in those days) in September 1984 told me he was sorry but there was no cure and I should get ready to die. Needless to say that statement was quite a blow. For the next five years I lived with the threat of imminent death and watched as one by one all my friends died truly horrific deaths.

In 1990, I met a women, Beth Robinson, who had found a way out of dispair and anger upon learning from her husband as he lay on his deathbed with terminal toxoplasmosis that he did not have cancer but instead had AIDS, and had infected her. Beth and the people around her taught me to live in the moment and let the future unfold by itself.

As fine a thought as that is, it is much easier to do when you believe you don't have a future. Once Protease Inhibitors came along, everyone with HIV/AIDS was given back the promise of a future.

And as fine a thought as that is, living for tomorrow when you had been living in the moment is quite a change. Now we had to worry about our careers, and finding that perfect someone, and saving for retirement.

Here I am 22 years after my diagnosis often of two minds. One angry that I can't seem to get sick enough to qualify for disability retirement but just sick enough to be uncomfortable. And the other glad that I made it, if sad that most people I know did not.

Oh well, life is a river winding endlessly to the sea.

ScotCharles

--------------------
Life is a river.
Carpe diem.

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Since4Ever
Member

Reged: 12/17/06
Posts: 10
Loc: Shenandoah Valley, Virginia
Re: Long-time v. Newer Positive Status new
      #219257 - 12/20/06 09:28 AM

We are of the same mind. I knew someone like you would understand the distinction I was seeing. Blessing/Curse -- two sides of the same coin.

Best wishes, buddy.

--------------------
Cheers,
Since4Ever

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