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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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holladr
Newbie

Reged: 04/21/13
Posts: 5
Want to know the chances I could be infected
      #271751 - 04/21/13 09:05 AM

Recently, I (a 20-y-o female) engaged in two rounds of unprotected oral sex with an African American male who goes to my school. I asked him if he's had a lot of partners, and he'd said "not very many" and when I asked if he's had STI testing recently he said yes, a month ago, and he has nothing.

Of course the former statement is highly relative, so who knows what that really means. And I've heard that HIV testing is not always part of the STI testing package.

I had no mouth sores or wounds that I know of, and he only came in my mouth a little bit the first time before I pulled out and spat it out. The second time he prepared me to pull out before he came. Later that night I spat into the sink until my mouth was dry.

This has been my only sexual encounter and I do not have any other STIs, and I'm not showing any other STI symptoms so far.

But two days ago, close to exactly two weeks after the encounter, I had flu symptoms when it's the spring and nothing is going around. I was on my period. I was extremely fatigued as if I had mono, had a period of mild nausea, on-and-off head congestion, sweats, chills. No cold symptoms or rash. The fever was only 100.4 at the highest. All these symptoms went away later the next day, and the only thing I have is swollen red lymph nodes behind my ears, which is the part that worries me the most. It seems too coincidental to NOT be ARS.

This is really stressing me out and I have to wait 2.5 more months to find out...Any feedback would be very helpful.

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crabmanModerator
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Reged: 03/10/11
Posts: 1019
Re: Want to know the chances I could be infected new
      #271754 - 04/21/13 09:16 AM

my 2 cents is that it is extremely unlikely that you would have gotten HIV from giving some guy a blow job. The CDC puts the risk at 1 in 10,000 and studies that have been done with serodiscordant couples where condoms are used for vaginal and anal, but not with oral had NO cases of transmission.

Have no clue why his ethnicity matters, since HIV doesn't care.....of course nor do all those other STI's care. You put yourself at a much higher risk of acquiring Herpes, Gonorrhea, HPV, Hep B, Syphillis, Chlamydia to name a few. You can say you aren't showing any other symptoms, but since symptoms are never a way to diagnosis, you really DON"T know. I would suggest you discuss this with a health care provider.

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holladr
Newbie

Reged: 04/21/13
Posts: 5
Re: Want to know the chances I could be infected new
      #271755 - 04/21/13 09:34 AM

Thanks so much for your immediate response!

You're right, studies show it's highly unlikely, which is why I'm confused. Still, there have been cases, and according to some sources those studies for oral sex aren't based on a large sample of people, and therefore not entirely reliable.

It's not that I'm racist, according to studies ethnicity does matter in this case...if you look it up African Americans make up something like 44% of HIV cases.

I'll get tested for other STIs since those still could be a problem, but like I said at least there are no symptoms so far.

Sorry if I seem like I'm just denying everything you said! The post still means a lot to me and makes me feel better. Again, thank you.

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crabmanModerator
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Posts: 1019
Re: Want to know the chances I could be infected new
      #271756 - 04/21/13 09:40 AM

Well goodness with all that you do know, I'm surprised that you didn't know to use protection in the first place. I just don't see that there is much we can help you with. Seems you have researched all this to death and are now an expert on Sexual Transmitted Infections.

Good luck.

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holladr
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Reged: 04/21/13
Posts: 5
Re: Want to know the chances I could be infected new
      #271757 - 04/21/13 09:44 AM

I'm EXTREMELY worried so I really looked into this, but after the fact.

I have no idea what my mentality was when I didn't ask to use a condom. Just one thing led to another, I was curious, and I was in this idealistic world of my own I guess. (I partially blame porn for this mentality). I saw oral sex as a sort of foreplay more than actual *sex*. And somehow having this latex thing in my mouth seemed silly, or something, like my teeth would cause abrasions anyway. I 100% would have used one for vaginal/anal.

But yeah, I guess the more reassurance that the chances are low, the better just so I can put my mind at ease. There really isn't much else that can be done except to make the guy retake the HIV test.

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kicker
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Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 1130
Loc: GA, USA
Re: Want to know the chances I could be infected new
      #271760 - 04/21/13 01:36 PM

There is a few things you could do to reassure yourself. First put your bias and own stigma regarding the subject in its place. How would it sound if I said all women have stinky crotches because I read that yeast infections are more common in women they are in men. It's an absolute fact they are more prone to it then men.

Just because its more common doesn't mean it's applies to all. There is estimates that at least very least 20% of all HIV infections are undiagnosed. Don't you think a 20% unknown can have a drastic effect of the numbers? Simple math says it will.

Also way to skirt responsibility. I didn't realize porn had a guns to hold to people's head. Unless you have a defect where you are easily and unknowingly affected by outside influences such reasoning is only that an excuse. I can tell you from personal experience that if you were influenced you would never know the cause unless someone pointed it out to you.

As well really you are gonna make him get another test? Really? Why don't you get your butt up and go get tested? You would need to anyway if he came back and said it turned up positive. No dr will treat you without first getting a test. Is it you don't want the shame and embarrassment of showing up and sitting in the waiting room with everyone else? Get over yourself, it's called HIV because the first word in it is human. Not black, not white, not straight, gay, purple, velvetine, or alien, but simply human.

You had just as much responsibility as he did to protect yourself and the fact you are up in arms over something that is a theoretical risk at best and is there for the sake of argument is absurd. All you're doing with your research is justifying your own prejudices and anxieties. Not learning a damn thing.

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holladr
Newbie

Reged: 04/21/13
Posts: 5
Re: Want to know the chances I could be infected new
      #271761 - 04/21/13 05:38 PM

First of all, I NEVER made the generalization that "all african american men have HIV". Not at all. I just stated researched facts without any bias because it's another factor to consider. It's also that I'm pretty sure he's not the most monogamous person, he's a typical early 20-something guy more interested in pursuing career than committed relationships which ALSO increases chances. (Again, not to say that goes for *all* of them.)

Also, I still take responsibility for not using a condom. I don't -really- blame porn to take away responsibility, it's just what I possibly partially account for my silly mentality. Porn is fantasy, I get it. It's the way it is for a reason and it shouldn't change just because of someone's stupidity.

I WILL get tested, obviously. I've just heard of the 3 month period you have to wait and I don't need that worry, it's just easier for him to take the oral swab since most likely that period is over for him. He could very well be the 20% unaware of having it too. But I just called him just to make sure and he DID have the HIV test, and in fact takes it regularly, so I am reassured now. I did not know if that was automatically part of the STI testing package. So, UPDATE: I feel a lot better now and I'm pretty sure I have something else now, although I have no idea what. My mom (I'm very open with her) and I were both researching and had both come to the same *possible* ARS conclusion, but now despite the coincidence+correlating symptoms it seems unlikely.

I have ABSOLUTELY no shame or embarrassment taking the test, I just want accuracy. I would have preferred I take it if I could instead of hassling him.

I was up and arms because I am infected with something that does not appear to be just mono, I'm stressed about school, and I did something for the first time irresponsibly, and now I feel serious regret for it.

You're really confrontational and assuming the worst in me, and in fact putting words in my mouth. Please consider changing your judgmental attitude. I realize I'm probably a hypochondriac but you don't have to jump on me, I mean this forum is called "Am I Infected?". Now I remember why I quit internet forums...



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kicker
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Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 1130
Loc: GA, USA
Re: Want to know the chances I could be infected new
      #271763 - 04/21/13 06:17 PM

You're assuming I was jumping on you. So I guess we are even. What my intention was to get you to think about what you were feeling rather than jump to conclusions that you must be infected because he fits a stereotype. I was trying to help. You're fault you allow your emotions get in the way of thinking, not mine. You got in this anxiety by allowing your fears and emotions get involved rather than think it through. Just saying. I have absolutely no interest or emotional involvement in you either than to give you another perspective. Don't like it don't read it. Simple as that.

Ps. Also not my fault you failed to clearly state your intentions. I'm not sitting there with you to get what kind of state you are in. Best of luck to you, really. I know you are suffering more than I will ever understand.

Edited by kicker (04/21/13 06:25 PM)

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holladr
Newbie

Reged: 04/21/13
Posts: 5
Re: Want to know the chances I could be infected new
      #271764 - 04/21/13 06:29 PM

Maybe I did, you just had a certain tone that was very critical that I felt was unwarranted.

I mostly thought that I "must" (or might) be infected because of the symptoms more than anything else, other information were just factors to consider that may make it more/less likely. I don't think I'm putting as much disproportionate weight on the race issue as much as you think.

But agreed, emotions did in a way take over (I mean this is HIV we're talking about), but when I went to health services it seemed that the options were "strep throat, mono, or STI" and I tested negative for strep and my flu was far too short to be mono. I'm still getting tested for mono though.

I just wanted to defend my case and clear up misconceptions. I didn't necessarily "dislike" it because you at least wrote in such a way that I could argue point-by-point.

PS: Thank you for your concern, and maybe we can both learn from this. I realize there may have been gaps I left that you were filling.


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kicker
Moderator

Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 1130
Loc: GA, USA
Re: Want to know the chances I could be infected new
      #271765 - 04/21/13 06:59 PM

Again I will never understand it. You narrowed in on only that he was black and a 20 something male and took that into how many with HIV fit that category. Truth is when you consider the fact that people with HIV only represent roughly 36 million in a world of 7+ billion that 40% looks like a fraction of a percent rather than 40%. Also if the numbers are based on the U.S. population of 1.5 million you still have to take into account that there are 315+ million people in the U.S. plus that that number is only based on race and not on race and sexual orientation, age, etc. which lowers the percentage that he might fit even further.

To jump to your original conclusion without solid proof is a waste of time and causes nothing but stress. Your basing it on emotions and preconceived notions (ie bias and/ stigma). Hence why I said that.

You did clarify the porn thing in that you wanted that fantasy. Understandable. Who doesn't want to feel sexy.

The information is out there, but whenever you "research" something it's best to do it when you are calm and have no feelings one way or another other than to find an answer to a specific question. If the question is personal you will always come to the conclusion that fits your idea rather than the truth.





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