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Anonymous
Unregistered

"It's been one crazy year for me"
      #179410 - 03/12/06 03:12 PM

I really dont know where to start, I have been thru hell and back and somehow I'm still here. I'm posting this for a few reasons, to help some of the ww's with related symptoms and just to voice my concerns on what this has been like for me.

In March of last year I had three high risk exposure to someone that had HIV. After the last exposure I really did not even like the guy at all. I stopped seeing him and went on with my life for a few weeks until my body started letting me know something was wrong indeed. On April 10th I got tested for Herpes 2 because I developed a tingling in the vaginal area and a yellow discharge. My test came back pos for both the herp and Claymadia. My doc told me that the herp was not a new infection, because I had Igg levels and I would not have that level of antibodies the the herp that soon after last contact with the scum bag I was with. I knew had had given me the std because I don't sleep around and I had been to the obgyn after the first exposure just to see if he had given me anything, but it was too soon the first time for the Claymadia to show. So I got treated for the std and rechecked, it was gone. The tingling was still there and hit has not gone away in a year, everyday it just tingles with no breakouts. So I get a PCR DNA done at day 22 after my last exposure because know at this point I'm wondering why all of a sudden my body cant control the herpes, and none could give me a good reason. My PCR came back neg, at this point I'm freakin out, I had been doing lots of reasearh and did not know to much of some of the things that HIV people struggle with until I looked it up. Some of the things that I had noticed when I was with this guy fit to a tee with hiv. He had faught PCP and had joint problems along with many skin problems. So I started to do some of my own little research on him myself, and found out that he was pos. Back to me, so I am just hoping at this point I don't have it, So after I got rid of the std I end up w/PID another vaginal infection that women get who have HIV or have had Claymadia for alomg time and don't know it till it spreads to the tubes and cervics. Well I did not have the std for along time so my doc did not understand why I got the PID. That was going to require two weeks of meds, as I was coming off the meds I got all kinds of problems, stringy stuff coming from my mouth,ears popping, that I should note have been popping since June of last year. Major neck pain,numbness in hands and feet,weight loss of 20lbs., hair loss of around20%, eyes really red w/yellow in them along w/sleep, bad stomach problems,chills etc.. I have had so many problems and nobody has been able to give me a reason for all of it. So I got tested every month and have for alomos 12 months. I have had two RNA's, rapids, reguler Eliza's all neg. ZI'm happy till something else goes wrong with me that fits to a tee of HIV. I have readf the medical journals and it all makes perfect since with what happens to a women when she gets infected. I had a thyroid test done at 6 months was low, my bllod presure is always low when I go to the docs. I had my CBC ran and thyroid again at 11 months it showed that I was a little low on my liver test and thyroid was low but had reaised since June. They are all so dead on of a viral infection it's not funny, but no antibodies to HIV. I don't understand what the hell is going on. So at 12 months this is what I have going on. My but anf legs are thinning, it actually feels like I'm sitting on my ass bone. My stuff still tingles everyday, I'm still loosing hair, my gums are moving up, my pinky and ring fingers are a little nimb in the mornings, my eyes look nd feel like shit. They burn and are red, I feel like shit in the mornings and my skin on my face is so oily but then is dry around my mouth, nose and scalp. I try to go out and do things and the back of my knees feel tight and sore. I get really dry mouth when I do alot during the day. My ears are still popping and I'm scared as hell to take any medicine in fear I will get that really bad neck pain or that shit in my mouth again. Ii have light night sweats at night every night. I really feel like I'm going to be so sick with this shit before they find it when all I have tried to do is make sure if I got it, I can get some freakin help. I know I have this shit and it's killing me that they can't find it. I am young and had no issues before this, hell I could go years with not even a cold. How could you sleep with someone who has HIV, have all the dead on symptoms and not have the virus. It pisses me off!!! I'm scared as hell, I went back to the HIV doc after she told me to test out 12 months and told her all this shit and she told me your fine, it's stress. That's freakin nuts!!!

I'm sorry guy's I'm just so scared, I don't know if I should keep testing or have them check for rare strains, I just don't know.
As for the guy who I was with, he comes to this board, he will know this is me. I will always make sure that I know where you are. I do accept my part of this and I will deal with this because of my actions. BUT, you knew you had this and you probaly have done this to many women. That is where you made a big mistake with me, you once told me that if you mess with the bull you get the horns, well, you messed with a grizzley and know I will hunt you like a mother with her pups who you have walked upon with no where to run. You can run but you cant hide, If you have ever seen what happens when you put a mama grizzley in fear of her or her pups is going to make sure she takes care of the problem. So, if you are reading this take heed. I will see that before I take my last breath on this earth, I will watch you take yours. What you are doing is taking peoples lives and the buck stops with me. See it's different when you may pass this to someone because you don't know, but you know and you deserve to die horrible death. So I hope you suffer for what ever time you have left, I'm sure you will. That's why you have to go around sleeping with these poor mexican girls who probaly speak no english and Russian women who fall for all your lies, your truly the sickest person I have ever seen. I only wish I could put you away for good wright know, but I can't so I will have to be patient, you moved your chess piece and it's time for me to move mine.

Sorry for the words of hate to the ass who peaks at this board. I'm not as stupid as he thinks I am. So for the ww's on understand what your going thru, I only wish I had answers for ya, but it's sad to say that 20years of this shit and we still don't know much.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: "It's been one crazy year for me" new
      #179411 - 03/12/06 03:15 PM

Sorry for the typing mistakes, I just get typing so fast my brain is ahead od my fingers

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midwest4u
Regular

Reged: 03/01/06
Posts: 46
Loc: ILLINOIS
Re: "It's been one crazy year for me" new
      #179413 - 03/12/06 03:44 PM

Your stressed out thats plain to see. Seek out some counseling. After testing at 12 MONTHS, not weeks you do not have HIV. Move on with your life and be more responsible for yourself next time.

--------------------
In the end only kindness matters - Jewel

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: "It's been one crazy year for me" new
      #179414 - 03/12/06 03:47 PM

Thanks, I only hope I get a next time.

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Jackie_Blue
Legend

Reged: 10/26/00
Posts: 2028
Re: "It's been one crazy year for me" new
      #179419 - 03/12/06 04:08 PM

[quote]Thanks, I only hope I get a next time. [/quote]

You have your second chance. Quit wasting it.

HIV IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. From youR post it sounds like unresolved anger at your past partner is your problem. That is understandable if he/she did know and didn't tell you, however I'm assuming you are an adult and are aware of safer sex so some of the blame falls on your shoulders. The up side of all of this is whether your past partner is or isn't HIV+, doesn't mean a thing in terms of your status. Clearly you are not infected. Lucky you.

You have tested negative more than enough times to know that you are not infected....at least a rational reasonable person would understand they are not infected with HIV after so many tests....which by the way is a waste of testing resources and contributes to the raising health care costs.

Work with your doctor to determine what is going on with you. There are lots of diseases and conditions you can chase. If you still keep thinking this all has to do with HIV, then go see a shrink.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: "It's been one crazy year for me" new
      #179421 - 03/12/06 04:18 PM

Jackie-

In my post I said that I do hold myself to blame for this. As for the testing I paid for them out of my pocket. I do hope that you are write and do thank you for taking the time to answer my post. I know that I struggle with mental problems over this, but I don't think that accounts for all that I'm going thru.

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sadface
Legend

Reged: 02/15/06
Posts: 797
Re: "It's been one crazy year for me" new
      #179424 - 03/12/06 04:42 PM

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I am scared too. I did 3.5 and 6 weeks neg, i go for my 8 week on thurs..I am scared. i was with two different bf's once each..they told me they are negative. i have a hard time with trust. i have been tested for std's..neg and my pap was normal...i consider myself lucky. i just pray to the Lord that I am not hiv+. I think you are in the clear, it sounds like maybe you have some allergies and stress. Either get your records and find a new dr. or have the one you have give you a overhaul and get to the root of the problem. pm me anytime!!! Love to you....by the way, does that "jerk" know he is positive? did he tell you?? did you tell him about your std?? he needs to be confronted and know.

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midwest4u
Regular

Reged: 03/01/06
Posts: 46
Loc: ILLINOIS
Re: "It's been one crazy year for me" new
      #179428 - 03/12/06 05:05 PM

[quote] I know that I struggle with mental problems over this, but I don't think that accounts for all that I'm going thru. [/quote]

If you don't want to seek help from a counseler or find a new doctor to get to the bottom of things, then I say "get down off the cross someone else needs the wood". If you came here to bash your ex thats the wrong reason to be here. No one can help you until you help yourself. Sorry if this sounds harsh.

--------------------
In the end only kindness matters - Jewel

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: "It's been one crazy year for me" new
      #179429 - 03/12/06 05:07 PM

He's been confronted, I told him he had an std, he told me I was crazy. I found out thru his roomate he was pos. Some paperwork was found, don't know if it was some rare strain or what. He denied everthing, whats sad is there really is nothing you can do if he don't want to give you any info. I asked the doc if I should worry about different strains cause he sleeps with women fron different countries, she said no. Hell if I know.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: "It's been one crazy year for me" new
      #179430 - 03/12/06 05:10 PM

Hey,

Time and time again I have read about people who have all of "the symptoms" along with a possible HIV exposure, and do not test positive.

The good news is that after testing for an entire year, you do not have HIV.

The bad news is that it appears that you have other health problems that aren't being dealt with because you are so certain you have HIV. Stress or another illness could be causing your symptoms.

As far as your anger, that is understandable. People with HIV should not have unprotected sex. Yes, you need to be careful, everyone does. By using condoms each and every time in the future, you will not have to face these horrible fears. The fear of this illness is powerful.

I am wishing you good health and good energy. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: "It's been one crazy year for me" new
      #179431 - 03/12/06 05:19 PM

First off you need to not worry about why I'm here. I don't feel sorry for myself and I don't need nothing form you. What are you doing here, looking for answers "huh"? Maybe somethings that I write will help people in some sort of way. I really don't need you to tell me nothing. We come here to share things and last time I checked I could speak whatever on my mind. If you don't like what I write, don't read it and don't respond.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: "It's been one crazy year for me" new
      #179436 - 03/12/06 05:57 PM

You are HIV negative. Get over yourself.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: "It's been one crazy year for me" new
      #179463 - 03/12/06 10:19 PM

Hey! I am going through the exact same thing as you. been tingly down there, always tired, red eyes, losing hair, gettin constand colds, always itchy down there as well (i was told i had a yeast infection) but if thats the case then its cronic cause it never goes away. I just took a pill for it and still no change, i've developped a boil down there. Ive never had any of these problems and all of these are related to a weakened immune system which i believe must be HIV. I got tested once at more than 1 year from the exposure and i was neg but i dont believe it, I dont know what else could be wrong with me. I think i may have herpes but i have never had an outbreak im just constantly itchy and have the tingling sensation but even if it was herpes it shouldnt affect my health this way, herpes doesnt do that. There must be something else and i dont know what to do im just really scared

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: "It's been one crazy year for me" new
      #179465 - 03/12/06 11:14 PM

Take some deep breaths... Relax. Your anger at this dude is understndable. But try to channel your energy in positive ways (like exercise). I would like to recommend a book by book by Dale Carnegie called "How to stop worrying and start living" It has completely changed my life. If you stil have trouble coping with this issue i suggest you seek therapy. Wish you all the best

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: "It's been one crazy year for me" new
      #179471 - 03/12/06 11:53 PM

Thank you, I will take you up on that. Anything I can do at this point will help.

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