Train wont stop going -- No way to slow down.
Nov 21, 2004
I posted here several months ago under the title "Terrified at Work". You asked that I check back in with you at some point.
Unfortunately my ride has only gotten wilder. My eyes, damaged by HIV, burn constantly while I am at work. The meds tear into my stomach. I just keep getting more and more responsibilites. I am on the road constantly now. Different cities. Different beds. Different cars. Where the hell am I today? Long hours. I can't sleep. Just eating makes my stomach hurt.
My ID doctor suggested that I take a vacation to lower my stress level. However, I turned it into a quest to fulfill a suicide pact. I won't go into the details but my vacation was like something out of a bad made-for-TV movie. I told the doc about it and I can understand why he doesn't close the door when I go to the clinic.
I am rapidly coming to conclusion that (1) I just want out and (2) I am worth more dead than alive. Unfortunately my state has a seven day waiting period on gun purchases but I filled out the form this afternoon. I am hoping to make it until my birthday in December.
Damn it all to Hell. I guess some people are just destined to come to bad ends.
Response from Ms. Breuer
No one is destined to come to a bad end. In my opinion, you are in urgent need of very good counseling at the hands of an HIV-knowledgeable psychotherapist. They work wonders--but only if you let them. Please get a referral from your ID doc and make going your first priority. It appears that your life depends on it.
Please. Now. Okay?
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