New Job. Can I cut it?
Jun 17, 2002
Hi Nancy, I had been laid off in Oct-01. Why I don't know. At that time my sister and I bought a condo together where I now live by myself. New town, no job. I temped here and there even found a job as an JR Accountant on my own where again I was let go. The job I was first laid off from, I had received a great job performance review 6 months earlier. I guess now my confidence has been shaken. I started on Trizivir also around the time of my move and the lay off. I am doing very well physically. I have never been sick. I see a therapist twice a week for depression. So now I have a new job as a property accountant in an upscale town here in N.Cal. It's a great job, nice people. I feel very welcome. But I feel my work is not up to par as it should be. I only started last week but I just don't feel at my best. I don't know if it is the medication or just me and my mental state. I can't lose this job. I already owe my sister a lot of money. I'm wondering if I can handle all the resonsibility right now. I became poz Aug-99. This alon has been a lot to deal with. It is a constant thought through out the day. Even as I work. Do they know? Can they tell? Do I look ill? I just don't feel I can cut it. This kind of work seems all too difficult and plus I feel awkward socially. Shoud I ask my doctor about disability? Is this a breakdown of some kind? Sorry for the length of this question.
Thanks, Scared In Walnut Creek, Ca
Response from Ms. Breuer
You seem to be carrying a lot without a lot of help. Your question is best directed to your psychotherapist, who can help you with how your confidence has been so undermined. It sounds as though perhaps this medication is not adequate for your depression, since those feelings of inadequacy can be linked to depression. I'll bet you really do know how to do the work.
Disability leave isn't all it's cracked up to be. Most people with HIV do much better medically when they're working. Does your employer have an employee assistance program? If so, it's confidential. Use it, please.
No, people can't tell by looking at you whether you have HIV. But they can tell whether you believe in yourself. If you have HIV basically under control with your medication, please consider the depression your primary diagnosis and deal with it first and foremost, okay?
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