Mar 7, 2011
Dear sir, I discovered masturbation when I was just a child (10 years old), have been subjected to sexual approach by an uncle when I was a little older than that and finally discovered the world of cruising in public restrooms, parks and gay saunas when I was 16. Got HIV infected when I was 21.
Thinking about sex, watching pornography, masturbating and hjaving anonymous sex never ended, even now that I have a loving partner. I would masturbate or search for sex online even during work hours, in the office. I can masturbate or have sex up to 6 times a day. I never have been faithful. It's time and money consuming and it threathens my professional life, my relationship and my health obviously.
Most of the time, I can fake a mask of "it's just that I really enjoy sex" (even for myself), but this is driving me concerned about my life outcome. I feel trapped in this behaviour, also because often it comes with feeling guilty for having procrastinated my work, or having cheating, or lying. I probably spend around 5 or 6 hours a day engaging in sexual thinking, or performing sexual acts, as well as flirting and making myself sexually attractive, both to my partner and other man. Even a walk to the bakery can involve something sexual. I can't lie to myself anymore, I am governed by sex.
I don't know really what I can do to solve. I see a psychologist, but when I raised this question, I wasn't brave enough to describe the full extent of the situation. But I'm willing to cope so I can become a better person.
I live in Paris, France. If you can suggest me what to do, or a service or professional I can refer to, it would be really useful.
Response from Dr. Fawcett
Thanks for your question. Your vivid description is a textbook list of symptoms of compulsive sexual behavior (or sex addiction). As with all addictions, one encounters denial , rationalization, dishonesty, preoccupation, and host of other behaviors that gradually erode one's sense of self. The impact of this on intimate relationships is particularly painful. Such sexual behavior is a way to manage uncomfortable feelings through numbing, excitement, or fantasy. These feelings need to be expressed and addressed in a healthy way. Be honest with your psychologist and look for support group meetings. Here are two 12-step oriented groups that have international as well as online meetings:Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Good luck. -David Sex Addicts Anonymous
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