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my partner has hiv i do not

Jan 6, 2011

my partner has tested poz me and mychild are both neg he wasn't the most pleasant man to be with we were already having issues in our relationship that has been brought on by drug abuse and alcoholism now he has recently found out he is hiv+ and I understand this is a devestating blow to anyone.but being that we already on the verge of a break up then this happens i kinda feel obligated to stay with him .but he is not on any meds he is not seeking any help he's doing nothing he act's has if nothing happened and everything is ok. i look at him and see that he's losing weight and other small things. my question is would i be wrong of i just cut him and this destructive behavior out of my life. or should i continue to try to be a support system for him.

Response from Dr. Fawcett

It is not uncommon for someone who recently discovered they are HIV+ to react by shutting down and closing up into denial. Any existing drug and alcohol problems often get worse as the person tries to numb or escape from painful feelings. They need support and encouragement, although ironically at those moments they may be most resistant to it. Ultimately your friend needs to make a decision to deal with this painful reality, including his addiction. While he clearly needs the support, it's unhealthy for you and your child to be around self-destructive behavior. Find organizations in your community that can provide assistance for both him and you. Speak with him about both of your needs and set clear boundaries. If he can't begin to help himself you may have to let go with love.

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