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Now What?
May 24, 2013

Several yrs. into my marriage,my husband's behavior was less than family like. He stayed out several nights in a week,stealing money from my purse,strange women coming to the house to look for him,always loosing his job,etc. Then in 2005 when my daughter was to graduate from high school, he told me his constant illness was due to him being HIV positive. Prior to this disclosure, our relationship was on the rocks so this seemed to be the straw that broke the camels back. In 2007, we were divorced,but maintained contact.Long story short, we were remarried last year.Our new life together is much different than before as this is a sexless life.I am not pleased to say that this is my decision, but it is.This lifestyle decision is causing a great deal of problems in our household, which seems to be growing on the daily basis.One of the most challenging things for me to deal with is his report of past relationships while we were separated. He has made it clear to me on numerous occassions that those he dated enjoyed a very active sex life with him and that I am not doing what is commanded as a wife bibically.I am reminded by him that God has healed him and if I question his status and/or if he goes to get tested, than I am questioning the healing power of God. This is not true, I believe God heals us and gives wisdom at the same time. One of the main reasons I looked for someone to ask about this situation is that I know he did not fully disclose his prior status to these ladies and now when I see them every Sunday in church,my heart breaks and makes me wonder,what else did he with hold from me?I don't have a problem with being positive as much as I have a problem with non-disclosure and the risks you put people in unaware.So much time has passed and the difficulty in my home is the driving force behind my inquiry today. I've tried to move beyond this, but it was put under a rock, not resolved. The decisions I made concerning him, I made made fully aware of risks and with the ability to protect myself, whereas these other women were not given this opportunity. I feel this is criminal. It's difficult living like this when we are both very sexual and physical people,but who I am seeing now is not very attractive to me at all! I don't know if I have a question so much as I have an issue with being married to someone that I have no desire to be initmate with. Now what, where do I go from here? Ministry, social events, family gatherings, just living is good, but I cringe beyond this point. I don't know how much longer either one of us can take this. Thanks for listening.

Response from Rev. Brown

Dear friend: One of the hardest things to do is to forgive. From what I hear is that even though you and your husband have gotten back together a step was missed and that is the step of forgiveness. When we forgive we release the offender from the debt,penalty, or consequence that should be owed them because of their offense. Also forgiveness is so much more about the one who forgives than the one who is forgiven, as forgiveness frees the heart, soul, and mind from bitterness, anger, and resentment. It is good to see your conceern for these other women, and with that concern I would suggest committing them to your prayer life. Do you love your husband? if the answer is yes, than you owe it to each other to seek counseling and try to work on your relationship. Praying for you and your household.

Afraid to be infected by HIV
Friend just diagnosis with HIV

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