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Should I stay with my HIV-Positive Bisexual Husband?
Nov 19, 2012

My husband of over 38 years was diagnosed AIDS 2 years ago. It devastated me - I had no idea he was living a double life throughout our marriage - he was, and is, a shift worker and this was how he got away with it. Is it possible to stay married with this man. I'm not "in love" with him anymore but I "like him" and he is my best friend. He wants me to stay in this so-called marriage - I believe out of fear of loneliness and fear of financial worry. We both work but are not high-earners. We are about 3-4 years from retirement. He had a CD4 cell count of 60 when he was diagnosed and is doing better. But can a bisexual man stay faithful to his wife after so may years of deceit? And, why am I struggling with staying in this marriage? I am in a state of inertia these past 2 years of not knowing what to do, and he as well. We have both tried counselling and stopped.

Response from Rev. Brown

My Friend: First I would encourage you to get back into counseling, but before making that step the question that needs to be answered is can you forgive him? As when we are unable to forgive we begin to harbor anger, and bitterness to the one who has offended us. I do understand that the offense is great, and forgiveness takes time, but if you are unable to forgive then the marriage and even friendship doesn't have a chance. The inability to forgive can have us think that we don't love the person anymore, but due to you even seeking counsel and advice shows love for your husband. Love is a commitment and really not something that we fall in or out of. It is being committed to a person for better of for worse because you want to be a part of the best of them and assist through their weaknesses and allowing love to make what was once a weakness a strength. Hopefully by first starting the process of forgiveness it will provide the clarity of what to do next.

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