|A Test of Faith, Knowledge acceptance!
Jul 3, 2012
About a month ago I began seeing a guy I met at work. It seemed like the perfect start to a long term relationship. We enjoyed different activities together of a non sexual nature but where very physically attracted as well. A few days ago while he was away on a trip he told be he kissed another guy- a "straight" guy albeit but still another guy. I was really hurt at first and then started to question his agenda and perhaps his willingness to sleep around. I do not sleep around- in fact I've have basically a non-existent sex life for fear of becoming HIV positive. My suspicion led to an intense search where I came upon a profile on a dating site that matched him down to very specific details. I confronted him via text as he was in another country. Initially he lied but eventually admitted to the profile being his. The profile indicates he was positive. The sexual activities we engaged in contained risk but I guess considered on the low end. I met him yesterday to discuss the situation- I told him he had an obligation to disclose before any contact no matter how low (him performing orally on me- deep kissing- me rimming him). Don't you agree? My anxiety level is out the roof and I haven't been able to sleep. Ive gone to my doctor twice but am going to an HIV specialist to try to get an RNA test. The real conflict is that deep in my heart I don't think he intended on putting me in danger- he insisted we didn't have intercourse- but I also think he should be disclosing this prior to oral. He says he has had people spit on him, tell him to die of AIDS,etc once revealing his status and that the risk was so low for us that he was going to have the conversation when he got back- we were planning on actually having sex. He told me how he contracted it which was when he was 19- we are now both 29. I can't help but to think of all the other things I've done when I was young that where riskier and could have easily landed me in the same situation. I entered this very angry at him and left feeling sad about the situation. He is a nice guy- smart,educated,cute and motivated. I don't know that I could have been able to turn the cards he has been dealt into something like he has. Any thoughts, suggestions, bible readings you can recommend to help me pull through this difficult time?
Response from Rev. Brown
Dear Test of Faith: I can understand your hurt, as well as your compassion. The hurt due to the violation of trust that could create a situation, and then the compassion for how he may feel. I do encourage you first to go and get tested, as low risk is still a risk and it is better to be safe then sorry. When going through difficult situations I enjoy readding psalm 46:1-7, psalm 121, and Romans 8:28. All of these bring encouragement reminding us that God is there for us, that God protects us, and that God is working things out for us. I hope that even though you have been hurt that you continue to be a friend to the individual as friendship is important to those infected and support is as well. I hope that you will pray for him as well, that he would recognize the importance of disclosing if he desires to be in a relationship with anyone the moment that it can take to a physical nature. I also hope that if you haven't already you have shared with him your feelings about it so that he can see the severity of non-disclosure.
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