|Please help me overcome my anxiety disorder and put my risk into perspective.
Apr 16, 2012
I'm so happy to have found this website and I am very grateful for all that you folks do. My scenario is quite a strange one and I have a great deal of anxiety so I am hoping that you can tell me if I'm on the right path. I realize that my question is similar to many others but am hoping for a small bit of personal assurance - it would invaluable at this stressful point in my life.
about 30 days ago, a drunken night led to an encounter with a transexual woman, with which i was the bottom. condoms were used for both oral and anal, but since I was intoxicated and have anxiety, I am wondering 'what if' the condom broke and i don't know, and so on and so on. I have been in a monogamous heterosexual relationship for a number of years now, and am nearing the point of marriage - i believe this encounter was just something I subliminally did as a means of verifying my desires of marriage and oh how I regret it. Some mistakes are hard to accept. I could never tell her as it would cause immense pain for both of us.
As I said, it has been nearly 30 days, and I will be having a STI screening at a local clinic on thursday, including a RAPID HIV test.
although I realize it is too early for a test to be definitive, I am curious if a negative result at 4 weeks should allow me to breathe a bit? My logic wants to tell me that my risk was somewhat low, would you agree?
I have had diarrhea for the last 2 weeks as well as lost a few pounds, but I feel that both of these are due to the EXTREMELY severe anxiety that i've experienced over the situation.
Am I thinking straight, or am I going about this the wrong way?
Thank you so much for any advice, you folks are truly angels for people walking through dark times.
Response from Rev. Brown
Dear Scaredbutstrong: I would say that the symptoms you are dealing with are due to your anxiety but would also encourage you to see a doctor for something more conclusive. I would say that you are thinking straight to want to know your status since having an encounter that put you at risk, as even though you did use protection their is still risk involved the percentage of infection is greatly diminished when you use protection. I would also encourage you to do a follow up test after the four week period and to have someone you can talk to about things since you said you are getting married the worst thing to do is to take a guilty conscience into a marriage. Also if even with the diminished risk of infection due to using condoms if you recieve a positive result be prepared to deal with all that comes with that from getting into care, to disclosure to your significant other, and the other life changes that come. I don't say this to add any anxiety, but to hopefully cause you to look before you leap the next time.
I want to forgive myself but don't know how
Tattoo risk of HIV
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