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want to believe but can't
Mar 12, 2012

I am a 39 year old male with an AIDS diagnosis. I was brought up as a Catholic and basically "overeducated" in areas like philosophy of religion. My degree is in political science, however. I am at a point in my life where I now feel somewhat resentful that I have the knowledge which prohibits me from a belief in any sort of theistic God. It simply is not consistent with logic or reason. On the other hand, I yearn for that relationship I remember as a child with a God who heard my prayers and always watched out for me. Today, I try and visualize my place in the universe from a pantheistic perspective. This view, for me, simply indicates that when we die the components that make us who we are are simply disassembled (decomposition)and reassembled into some other entity at a later date. While this view fits nicely with science (matter can not be destroyed but it merely changes form) it still lacks the comforting feeling that I would get from knowing that the old white man sitting on a cloud was watching over me. How can I regain the security that a theistic God represents while maintaining logic and reason. I just can't bring myself to, as Kierkergaard put it, "take that leap of faith." Can you tell me how or has it forever been spoiled?

Response from Rev. Brown

Dear Friend: Yes you can regain the security that a theistic God exists and maintain logic and reason. The reason this is, is because faith and logic can go hand in hand when we broaden our perspective. The struggle is that we believe science tries to disprove faith, and it really doesn't. Science takes the time to examine what is factual and expound on it. Faith is to have confidence in a thing or person. When we look at both of these we see that the logic that science brings actually can be used to enhance our faith. Faith says that God created the heavens and the earth, and science says that we had a big bang as something was created out of nothing which supports the claim of faith that God created something out of nothing. Faith says that nature and creation point to God, and science says that nature points to a creative nature as well it just doesn't have it's final conclusion in God which is where our faith comes into play. To regain the God of your childhood you must ask yourself what caused you to believe in those days revisit them with all that you have learned and begin the process of reclaiming your faith. I believe that as you seek God anew you will find that your faith has been strengthened by the knowledge and logic you have recieved over the years. As the things we learn daily are to be used to enhance our life and enhance our faith.

How to stop punishing ourselves?
wondering how to cope

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