|A cry for help
Feb 24, 2012
I have just been recently diagnosed as being hiv+ last june and and having a problem of dealing with it. I was molested at age 7 for7 years by my stepfather and have never been able to love myself. I went to counseling for the sexual abuse but I still dealt with very unsafe behavior patterns. I contracted this disease from my exbyfriend who was an ex drug addict....I did not know this but I feel that I m being punished in some way...It is so hard for me to allow God into my life because feel that he has let me down so may times. I am so ashamed of my disease tat I won't sek counseling or go to any support groups...I feel I am losing control over my life and I don't know what do...I think of ending my life alot but I don't have the courage to do that...PLEASE HELP ME....I even met another hiv+ guy and after one week we had unprotected sex and never spoke again....I feel so cheap and ugly and want to be loved but I just can't love myself..
| Response from Rev. Brown
Dear Desperate: I hear your pain. There are moments in life where things happen that we have no control over like being taken advantage of at a young age. Because bad things happen does not mean in any way that we are not worth of love in our life. There is a principal that I live out in my own life when it comes to when misery comes, and it is this: "Misery has come that it might shape and form my ministry". What this means is that when bad events or something undesirable has occurred in my life I have the right to choose how I use it to turn a negative into a positive that helps and assists others. By doing this it does two things it helps me to heal my own hurts by helping someone else. It also can be a means of empowering someone else to navigate through the roadblocks and tough times that come in their life. With the feelings of being ugly and cheap desperate I hope that you can see that you bring value to life itself. None of the bad or sad moments in your life define you; you define them by how you handle them. It is tragic that you became infected with HIV, yet it is not the end of your story, as there are many who are HIV positive who are living productive, meaningful, enjoyable lives and manage living with HIV well. If you don't mind I would love to give you some resources that will offer you the necessary support to keep moving forward and becoming all that you can be and leave an indelible impact in the lives of all you come into contact with.
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