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Oct 28, 2000

I've been married for 4 years and together with my partner for 11 years. I've been extremely unhappy for at least two years. I love him, but i can't stand to be around him. I'm not getting what I want out of the marriage. I'm extremely lonely, only when I am with him, because I don't get the time of day. He knows how I feel. We have been to counseling twice. Things seem great for a while then he shuts down again. he grew up not being taught how to love and to be affectionate he just doesn't know how. His parents showed him love by things and thats what he tries to do with me. He can't even spend 5 mins. out of his day with me. We have a 3 years old daughter, she sees it all, she's learning all that she see. Two parents that argue and don't get respect froeach otherer. This is just a small part of my problem. I aconsideringng getting a divorce, but I know the Lord doesn't approve. Am I suppose to live like this forever because I made the wrong choice.

Response from Father DeMartini

Dear friend -- Thank you for your honest letter. Even though your question does not seem to involve HIV/AIDS, I will try to respond to your question. First of all you write "I made the wrong choice" --- I suspect that when you first met and fell in love and married you believed that this was a good and right choice. Circumstances changed and now you and your husband are very unhappy. You both made a choice to seek counseling which has not seemed thelplp. I would suggest a next step for you in finding someone, counselorclergy personon or good friend that you can talk with as you are now faced with difficulties and choices. I do not believe that God asks us to do the impossible but that God asks us to do what is most honest, loving and good for ourselves and each other. Sometimes we need help and counsel to see this path and I hope and pray that you will take time for yourself to discover the best choice that will come with a sense of peace with God. I will keep you, your husband and your child in my prayers. Fr. Rod

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Discordant married couples

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