|In need of help
Oct 22, 1998
Father,I think I have AIDS due to a very sinful act. I have already paid in many ways for this incident and I am now contemplating suicide. I do not know what else to do. I know God has forgiven me for the incident and He loves me. I can never forgive myself as I may have unknowingly infected someone I love. I cannot stand to watch the person I love get more and more sick because of my stupidity and pride. I don't care about myself anymore, what should I do for the person I love? Will God forgive my suicide and will He care for the one I love when I can't?
| Response from Father DeMartini
Dear Friend---I am glad that you reached out for some support in the midst of the tremendous pain and guilt that you feel. First of all, while you cannot undo past actions you CAN act more caringly now and in the future--beginning with yourself. You say that you know God has forgiven you--I agree--now is the time to work on forgiving yourself. You said that you "think" you have AIDS--unless you have been tested and have been told, this could just be a hurtful assumption. If you are HIV+, then I think the best thing you can do is look around for people who understand and can give support and information. If you can let me know what part of the country you live in I would be happy to give you some names and phone numbers--simply contact me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. Finally, if you have infected someone else, then be honest with yourself and them and don't assume that they are not capable of forgiving or loving you. God's forgiveness is not the challenge here--it is asking you to remember that God created you in love and only wants you to treat yourself with love--please, you are worth it! I will keep you in my prayers--please keep reaching out for support. Fr. Rod
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