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Spiritual Support and HIVSpiritual Support and HIV
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husband positive,me negative
Oct 4, 1999

My husband is HIV positive and i am negative. Well, the problem is that he treats me mean at times and says that since I wont have sex with him this is not a marriage. Well he is right I guess. I do love him but the problem is that i met my ex fiance 2 weeks ago and we went out and got drunk. Nothing happened cause it was the wrong time of the month for me but if it wasn't I would have had sex with him because we do still care for one another. That I know is true but with my husband there is no touching or anything. What am I supposed to do about my ex because I still love him but don't want to hurt my husband in the process.

Response from Father DeMartini

Dear friend, As I read and re-read your letter I am aware of a lot of hurt and pain and confusion in your life right now. In that condition, it is very difficult to make healthy choices and decisions. I think that you should try to find someone in your area whom you can trust and get some support and good advice for yourself. You seek love and that is not only found in sex. Love is found in a relationship that is respectful and caring and healthy. You can contact me on my e-mail at and I can try to recommend some individuals or agencies to contact in your area. In addition, I encourage you to not let others disrespect you in your struggle or for you to give up on yourself and increase the hurt your already feel or, as you fear, hurt someone else you care about. Finally, getting drunk is dangerous for a lot of reasons but first of all because it will have a bad effect on your health and possibly aggrevate your HIV condition. Please reach out for soemone to walk with you and I will try to help you find that person. You are in my prayers, Fr. Rod

priest with HIV

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