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Yet another lost soul
Nov 1, 1999

I am a Catholic man, who loves and dotes upon his girlfriend/hopeful bride of two years. One night I ended up with a woman of questionable background and had a risky encounter. Now I can't live with myself. The thought of hiv, not to mention the symptoms I've had are driving me to the most ultimate and desperate measures. I've begged God to grant me clemency for this mistake. How do I deal with this? I have tested negative for hiv after six weeks, but I have a terrible dark feeling that fate has set upon me, and gloom and darkness is eminent. People tell me that I'm still the same person, but I'm not, and I don't know how to find the old me or even find a way to go on. I never meant to do this, but then again I guess nobody ever does. I am a lost soul. Please shine your light on me.

Response from Father DeMartini

Dear Friend, Thank you for writing and sharing your question with me. I believe that this is a good sign that you want to be "found" and once again experience the joy of honesty, love and forgiveness. I encourage you to find a way to speak honestly with your girlfriend/future bride and to ask for her forgiveness. In addition, I hope that you will both talk about any things in your own loving relationship which need "repair" so that you can continue your journey together and continue to build your relationship. I also suggest that you bring this burden to God in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I hope that you will be able to once again experience that God continually reaches out in love to us even when we make mistakes--let God's embrace give you courage and the conviction that you can move on to live your life with honestly and fullness. I will keep you in my prayers. Fr. Rod



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