Father,I come from an Irish Catholic family. I was always very involved in the church. I was an alterboy, member of the choir, I taught Sunday School for 6 years and all sorts of other activities which kept me very involved in the Church. I even strongly considered becoming a priest. I loved God and felt an urge to serve Him. I soon realized I was gay; that the church would excommunicate me for acting on my feelings. I felt betrayed. I did not like feeling like I did not belong. I had such strong belief and that belief permiated every part of me. I felt I had no choice but to leave the church as a community, but never my faith. I lived my life holding strongly to that faith, but without belonging to the church. I felt as though I had been cheated. Why couldn't I be like everyone else and remain a part of the church. My only solice was the fact that I knew God loved me and I could survive on that. I was diagnosed in 1986. At the time I was with my former partner, very much in love and committed to that love. I did believe that God understood the depth of our love and since He knew it was real, He smiled upon it. Paul was diagnosed soon after. We were partners against the beast. Paul died in December of 1994. I was devastated. Since, I've been feeling anger towards God. I feel terribly guilty, but I can't help it. My life is filled with misery since. I haven't really felt happy. I don't understand why there has been so much pain in my life. Why did God take away the man I loved so much for 15 years of my life? I did not ask to be gay. I would prefer to be straight and have what is considered a normal life. I am in such distress over this. What can I do? "Where is God when (so many)bad things happen to good people?"Brian

Dear Brian,Thank you for being so honest with me. I can sesne an anger and frustration that is still reaching out in hope to find some well-deserved peace and consolation. First of all, for the past twenty years or so, the Church has made positive progress in understanding homosexuality. For many years, the Church has taught that sexual orientation---homosexual and heterosexual--is a gift from God and to be treated with respect and justice. In the most recent letter of the US Bishops "Always Our Children", the bishops write "Everyone--the homosexual and heterosexual person---is called to personal maturity and responsibility." Moreover, "It is not sufficient only to avoid unjust discrimination---homosexual persons must be accepted with respect, compassion and sensitivity." To pastors teachers, the bishops write "welcome homosexual persons into the faith community and seek out those on the margins. Avoid stereotyping and condemning. Strive first to listen....." Certainly it is fair to say that not all Church leaders and people understand or put these teachings into practice. However, you do have a right to live out your baptismal call in Church as well as to live out the responsiilites of being a Catholic to the best of your ability. I hope and pray that your relationship with your partner--short-lived and unfairly taken as it was---provided a reflection of God's love and care for you. I am sure that your partner would want you to continue to love and care for yourself---your letter is an imporant step in this direction. I would be happy to suggest some additional help and counsel that maybe available closer to your home--please contact me directly at ncan@sonic.net if you would like me to provide some names. In the menawhile, you are in my prayers that God will give you the peace and consolation you deserve. Fr. Rod