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Can I help being Gay?
Oct 29, 1998

Dr. Father,I am a 37 year old male and am attracted to men and have had sexual encounters. I am also a Catholic. In several places in the Bible, including Romans 1:27 it appears that homosexuality is wrong and an abomination. This causes me much guilt spiritually, not to mention the extreme fear I have for STD's and HIV. I am currently HIV negative. My faith is also not as strong as I would like it to be.My questions are: What is the Catholics churches position for a person like myself? Should I repress these feelings and acting on them? There is a girl who is very interested in me, should I try to pursue a relationship with her in the hopes I might ultimately marry her and lead a heterosexual life, while repressing any homosexual thoughts? Faith is a difficult thing. If I *knew* what Jesus wanted me to do, I would do it. If God would just tell me His will, I'd do what He wants. Am I reading the Bible correctly about homosexuality? I am very confused now. Thanks in advance, your thoughts are appreciated.Dave

Response from Father DeMartini

Dear Dave,Thank you for sharing your questions with me. I sense the struggle and hope that I can provide some understanding and direction for you. First of all, the Bishops of the United States recently wrote a letter directed to parents of gay and lesbian children entitled "Always Our Children" Some of the points made include: 1. "God loves every person as a unique individual....God does not love someone any less simply because he or she is homosexual...." 2. "Everyone--the homosexual and heterosexual person---is called to personal maturity and responsibility...integrating one's thoughts, feelings and actions, in the area of human sexuality, in a way that values and respects one's own dignity and that of others." The Church has, for many years, accepted that sexual orientation is a gift of God and God asks everyone---homosexual or heterosexual---to use this orientation for good and life-giving purposes. I suggest that you may want to find a spiritual guide that you could continue to talk with--I would be happy to recommend someone closer---if you would like to contact me directly by e-mail at I can offer some suggestions. In the meanwhile, I keep you in my prayers espcially that you may know and feel God's love for you. Fr. Rod

Can't Cope With This
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