I have recently discovered that my HIV doctor (I have seen for the last 7+ years attends a fundamentalist evangelical church and he recommended a "gay support group the church has." I told him, that the group was anti-gay. It is a "Change Ministry," associated with Homosexuals Anonymous. He acted surprised but my friends are skeptical. He disagreed with any group that attempts to change gay people and said he would not recommend the group to anyone else. I do not want to have to change doctor's because he is the best in the area and one of the best HIV specialist in the world. Yet I am concerned about whether or not he is being upfront with me. Is it possible that he could be so naive that he would not recognize a group which states: their purpose is "to help men struggling with homosexuality" is a destructive group for gay people???

How should I handle this... I feel I will always have suspicions as long as he attends this church? Should this be a concern for me???

Sincerely, jerry

Dear Jerry, Thanks for your letter. The underlying issue seems to be "trust" --- trust is a powerful bond between people and when it is broken the result is fear, sadness, anger, anxiety and the like. The good news is that trust can be rebuilt but it takes effort and honesty. You seem to have had a trusting relationship with your doctor and seem to have been satisfied with his care until he recommended something that felt unsafe to you. I am glad that you were honest enough to let him know. The issue now is whether you believe his statement that he would not make this treatment recommendation to anyone else again and whether you can trust that he will continue to make good and honest medical recommendations as he seems to have done in the past. Trust your heart, talk to someone near you whom you trust and let them support you as you walk with this and continue to be honest with your doctor so that you can both grow in "wisdom, age and grace"! Blessings and peace, Fr. Rod