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Other reasons for monogamy besides HIV.
Feb 2, 1998

Lately the "scene" really gotten me down. I feel there are other reasons to preach the virtues of monogamy besides the HIV issue. It seems to me that we are giving up a lot by living in a subculture that has so much sort of commercially available sex...I mean all the ads and clubs and the casual participation in all kinds of sexual delights. I think it makes it very dificult for people to practice discipline and commitment, to really explore intimacy with each other. I was raised in the Methodist Church, and now attend a very accepting Methodist Church in Chicago, but pastors always seem shy about addressing issues of sexual behavior. I appreciate the words on acceptance and inclusiveness, etc., but it does seem to me that it's time for the church to begin to provide some guidance about how to live one's life in a spiritually and emotionally healthy way. Not just "God loves you whether you're gay or straight" but "Being gay and Christian means examining your behavior and accepting that sometimes you have to give some things up to have other things that are more valuable." Do I sound judgmental? I just wish I didn't feel like such a freak, because whenever I start to discuss my feelings about this, people say I'm sexphobic, etc. Any ideas how I can connect with people who feel the way I do?

Response from Rev. Pieters

You are not alone in believing in the values of monogamy. It no doubt seems lonely sometimes on this issue. But there are gay men who are living these values.

Perhaps you are being a bit "judgmental" but there is a place for making judgments in the area of sexual ethics, as long as the judgments are about the ethics, not the person.

You might find other like-minded individuals by doing a little "church-shopping." Visit various gay-friendly churches, if they are available in your area, and listen to what people are talking about. Bring up the subject yourself. Or you could call pastors in your area and ask to have a discussion with them.

Many blessings in your search. Remember--- you are not alone!

dislose every time?
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