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Jul 9, 1997

Father of 2 and NOT gay, abused in childhood up to 2 years ago I have a really big problem: I don't get help from AIDS centers because I cannot see men and they're the majority. Question: What can I do to put away my rage and get help? As of now, of course gay men at the AIDS Centers told me they didn't believe me and that it was just a way to avoid the guilt. It is true that I was infected by 3 men while walking on the street in 1989, October 21st. I never reported it at the time because I found myself shy and stupid. At the time I was injected twice with contaminated blood (HIV, Hepatitis B and C). I was told at the time and found out it was true 3 months after. One of them is still out contaminating children. Police never did something because it was so hard to believe (???). I'm happy: not yet sick at all, 2 children. No friends. After a life of abuse I decided I wouldn't see any men from now on. I have 6 brothers and don't see them since. Even if they have nothing to do with that. If I write today, it's to tell people that there are men who don't like sex with other men. You can't imagine what it is to sleep clothes on all the time, scare that they might com back at night like in 1989. I live alone. Question: After I was infected I was rape more than 10 times and didn't tell thos men I was infected. They thought I wasn't because I'm straight (!!) For myself I say they deserve it. They are no infected because they rape me. I didn't ask for it. They did. End: I wrote just to tell you in my words what did happen. I don't understand why some peoples abuse others, and I want to tell them to think about it twice and think more if they're HIV+. I don't want any answers. I just wanted to say it. Thanks to men I will never know what love is. Since I was 7 until 2 years ago all men who abused me were gay. WHY? I had leukemia when I was 3. Then abused. I still want to live even if I tried to die. Thanks Eric.

Response from Rev. Pieters

Eric, I hope that you seek help immediately to help you deal with the many issues you have presented here. There shouldn't be any problem in finding a woman to counsel you, since you are so uncomfortable with men. There are many, many women who are excellent therapists, counselors, social workers, and clergy, and they will be able to help you sort through your issues and your feelings.

Don't remain isolated. Don't let your fears stop you from getting the help you need and deserve. You say you want to live. Great! Now do whatever is necessary to make sure that's what happens. Your first step is to find a professional who can help you deal with all your problems.

Write to me again after you have found a professional counselor in your area to help you. Let me know how she's helping you change and heal.

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