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Loss of virginity
Sep 4, 1997

Dearest rev., I recently lost my virginity to a 29 year old man, I am only 17. I am a strong Christian believer, and had made the true love waits promise to God, but obviously broke it. It wasn't really intentional at all, in fact he kind of forced himself on me, but I allowed him to do so at the last minute because I was curious to know what it was like. I feel terribly guilty for breaking my promise to god and to my future husband (whomever it may be). I know god forgives, but what about broken promises, what should I do? If I never have sex again, will I become a virgin again, I mean physically speaking, will my hymen close up again? I wanted it to be a gift to my future husband, will it be possible. I'm so ashamed, I don't know how I gave in...... I was one of the few to graduate from high school still a virgin and so proud of it, I don't know what got into me. Please help, I need advise. Guilt stricken, and sobbing

Response from Rev. Pieters

Welcome to the human race! We all do things we regret or feel guilty about. As a Christian, you know that God forgives you. Can you forgive yourself? Can you accept what has happened and move on with your life? I know that God loves you and accepts you, even if you have broken a promise.

To answer one of your questions, once the hymen is broken, it does not "close up again." Many girls' hymens are broken long before they lose their virginity. A hymen can be broken riding a bicycle or a horse, for instance. A person cannot "regain" their virginity. But a person can still decide to be celibate, if you honestly feel that is the best choice for you. It's certainly the most fool-proof way to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases like HIV.

But we human beings are created as sexual. Our sexuality is a good gift from God. I pray that you will learn to celebrate and enjoy your sexuality in spite of this first experience, which may seem quite negative to you now.

Time is a great healer. With time, God will heal your pain and feelings of guilt. God's probably trying to heal you right now, but you are focusing so much on beating yourself up about this, that you may not be able to see or feel the way God is moving in your life.

Don't be so hard on yourself! Learn to love yourself, with all your humanity and flaws, just the way God loves you. I am glad you reached out for help. You are obviously in a great deal of pain. Please seek help locally from a professional counselor or pastor. You need to hear the message of God's forgiving love in person! Losing your virginity is not the worst thing in the world. With time and maturity, you will hopefully gain some perspective. You'll be in my prayers!



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