Father DeMartini

I am 23, and I have been going through a great deal of personal struggle lately. I have been fighting depression for years, and I have had numerous other problems in my life. Now, I am going through a possible HIV crisis in my life, and I am so afraid. Having no gay friends, and no one that I can confide in at all, I find myself wanting to turn to God. The problem is, I long ago stopped going to church, and thought I consider myself a Christian, it has been a long time since I have done anything truly to set myself as one of that faith. I stopped going due to problems with the people there (long story), and now for the first time I find myself needing the comfort of a higher power. But my dilemma is this. . . I'm afraid that if I go back under these circumstances, it would seem kind of, well, I don't know what the words are. Desperate. . .cheap. . . faithless. . . I don't know if that makes sense at all. I'm so torn about being gay, and doing something that I knew was wrong in the first place to put myself in this situation. I'm just not sure of anything in that area, and I'm afraid that going back to church or to God under these circumstances might be wrong. Do you have any advice for a member of the flock that has strayed and is afraid to go back?

Dear Friend -- Thank you for your honest sharing. As I read your letter, I sense a deep longing for relationship and reconciliation. The good news is that your are looking for these in the right place! When we listen to the stories of Jesus about God, we hear about a God who is loving and compassionate -- certainly the story of the prodigal son comes to mind. I encourage you to reread that story and to imagine that God is waiting for you with open arms. There is nothing about your return or God's embrace that is cheap or dishonest. Regretfully sometimes people are unwilling to forgive or criticize others for their mistakes but God is simply there in love and is overjoyed when any person returns in simple faith. I will pray that you experience this grace and I hope that, if you are a Catholic, that you can find a priest with whom you can have the sacrament of reconciliation. Blessings, Fr. Rod