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Help me, please.
Oct 8, 1999
I do not know how to start. I have been unfaithful to my wife. We have been married for over three years and together Ð for seven. I have betrayed her just once and I would prefer to give any details of this except that it was a high risk exposure. I have been tested a great many times thereafter and also after the six month mark using different methods and sophistication levels. The doctors assure me I am fine but I do not trust them as it is my belief that it is completely in God's hands what can happen to me.
I am very sorry and I wish I could undo what I have done. There is no forgiveness for what I have done, though. My sin is enormous. I love my wife. She is wonderful, gentle and caring. I love my parents and I know they love me, too. I pray to God every day and ask him to forgive me, to let me have kids so that my life can have a meaning. I would like to support my parents when they get older as I am the only son. Please pray for me, if it is not a problem.
Thank You.
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Response from Father DeMartini
Dear Friend, Thank you for your honesty. I read and can understand about your deep pain, shame and fear that comes with being unfaithful to someone you love and with whom you have a commitment as well as the feeling associated with being involved in high risk activity which could have resulted in exposure to HIV. You also say that "it is completely in God's hands what can happen to me". I think that God's hands are stretched out to you offering forgiveness and healing---just as the hands of Jesus were stretched out on the cross to redeem us from our sins. If these words and images are true, then I invite you to reach out your hand in prayer to God and to your wife and anyone else you may have hurt and to simply say "I am sorry" and be open to their words and forgiveness. I hope you will not deprive yourself of this "non-risky" way to live more honestly and healthfully. I will keep you in my prayers. Blessings, Fr. Rod
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