Please Note: Due to volume considerations, not all questions can be answered. Questions most likely to be answered will be those of general interest to a broad group of visitors to this forum. Questions pertaining to a specific case; requests for diagnosis, medical advice, or second opinion; or requests for opinions about untested alternative therapies will generally not be answered.
|
|
 |  |
 |
 |
Am I Selfish?
May 14, 1997
I am a 29 year old woman whose partner of 3 years is HIV+. We have a wonderful relationship most of the time, but I sometimes feel overwhelmed with the burden of HIV. I want to have children some day and lately I keep thinking that I would like out of this relationship because of his HIV status. I feel incredibly guilty and selfish. He is also very non-committal and unwilling to make any further commitment to me and our relationship - I think he expects that I will reject him one day because he has HIV. Sometimes I want to. Sometimes I feel that I would like to have just one day without this burden on me. I would like to be with someone who is negative and therefore feel some sense of relief - feel a sense that there IS a future. I know I am being incredibly negative. Recently we have discussed children - he seems unwilling to take on that responsibility, but we are investigating the possibilities of sperm washing. Then I feel guilty and selfish about that? I feel angry - so angry and want to feel that I CAN put my needs first. Does this mean I should leave him? Am I that weak?
|
 |
|
 |
|
Response from Rev. Pieters
Only you can decide whether or not you should leave him. If you're feeling that you're being "incredibly negative" and "guilty and selfish" and "angry," then you may not be in a good position to make a decision like this right now. My suggestion would be to seek professional counseling. Maybe both of you should go for couple's counseling. Another option before making this decision would be to seek support from other partners of HIV- positive people. There may be support groups for "caregivers" or partners and spouses of people living with HIV. You're not the only one who has gone through dilemmas like this.
Deciding to conceive a child is a huge decision even for people without HIV. In spite of the advanced technology and treatments for HIV, becoming a parent presents even more complex issues for couples dealing with HIV.
Don't throw out the relationship before you've sought person-to-person counseling. There might very well be a way to resolve these issues without ending what you call "a wonderful relationship."
|
|
|
 Please remember that this forum is designed for educational purposes only, and experts are not engaged through this
forum in rendering legal or medical advice or professional services. Experts appearing on this page are independent and are solely responsible
for editing and fact-checking their material. Neither The Body nor any sponsor is the publisher or speaker of posted visitors' questions or the experts' material.
Questions and messages posted to this forum are not statements of advice, opinion, or information of The Body, Body Health Resources Corporation or any sponsor of this
forum. While neither The Body nor Body Health Resources Corporation regularly reviews posted content, we reserve the right to delete, move, or
edit postings if we deem it appropriate under the circumstances. Visitors submitting questions remain solely responsible for the content of their
messages.
Information provided by experts is general only and should not be used for diagnosing or treating a health problem or a disease, or relied upon as
legal or other professional advice. This information is not a substitute for professional advice or care. If you have or suspect you may have a
health or legal problem, you should consult your own health care provider or your attorney.
Copyright notice.
|
|
|
|
