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Response from Rev. Pieters
You are in a tough situation... at a time when your son needs his faith
as a survival tool, he is rejecting it because of his experience of
uncaring, fearful, and ignorant church folks. Back in the early days of
AIDS, some physicians said that we in communities of faith have more to
offer persons with HIV/AIDS than they do. For some people who have an
aggressive strain of HIV, this may still be true. But some communities
of faith are letting their fear and hatred get in the way of the
services they could be providing to those who are suffering.
Sometimes it helps to see a difference between religion and
spirituality. Some say that religions are institutions of organized
spirituality. One can still have spirituality and faith, without being
a part of a religious body. But for many people, there is still a need
to belong, a need to be connected to a community which focuses on
spiritual issues. You may have to do a bit of "church shopping" to find
such a community where you and your son can find support for your
challenges.
It seems that your son may be "throwing out the baby with the bath
water." While he is fully justified in his anger and hurt over his
treatment by a Catholic priest and other church people, it might help to
point out to him that they do not represent all Catholics, or all
Christians. There is a great deal of diversity among Christians. There
are diverse attitudes towards homosexuality among people of faith. Many
believe that God loves lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, and transgendered
persons unconditionally. An excellent discussion on the subject of
homosexuality and religion is available at http://www.ufmcc.com.
There are also many who believe that AIDS is not a God's punishment for
gay people, or any group. The assumption that God uses illness as
punishment has been refuted over and over again, but still some people
hang on to old fears and prejudices in the name of religion. Please
read "HIV/AIDS: Is It God's Judgment?" here at The Body.
Please assure your son that there are many churches who will not
ostracize and stigmatize him because of being gay or having HIV. There
are many communities where lesbians and gay men openly worship God
together, rejoicing in the love with which God has blessed them. The
local Metropolitan Community Church or Dignity chapter would be a good
place to start your church shopping.
I hope that you are connected with your local Parents and Friends of
Lesbians and Gays (P-FLAG). There you will meet other parents who have
faced the same kind of struggle you are experiencing in reconciling
their spirituality and their experience of an uncaring religious
community. Perhaps through P-FLAG you will find a congregation where
you will feel at home. You can become a model for your son of how faith
can help you cope with life!
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