I have been sexually active for 3 years now. I am 20 years old and I am afraid that I have been infected with the HIV virus. I am so scared of what might be, and I don't know what to do about it. I had a test done a couple of weeks after the experience and it was negative. I know about the window period and that really scares me to wait that long to get tested again. It has been almost 3 months and I am going to get tested again shortly. I have been with 6 partners and unprotected twice. The last partner was with someone I didn't know and she does not live around here so I don't know how to get into contact with her again. I have caused my parents and doctors grief about this and they tell me not to worry but I can't control it. I feel like I have all the symptoms of HIV. I have been tested for everything else and they were all negative. I feel apart from everybody else. Please help!

Dear Friend--Your cry for help is loud and clear and I only wish we could talk face to face. First of all, I hear you express some shame and regret for being in circumstances that can increase your risk for HIV transmission. Sometimes when we feel really guilty we begin to think that the only reality we deserve is to test positive. Of course, people who are worried about us and care for us want us to feel otherwise. I think that you might find some peace and resolution in either finding someone with who you can "confess" your feelings and experiences with privacy and respect and/or to do some personal journaling in which you write down your darkest feelings and thoughts and get them out from your troubled insides. Your feelings cry out for reconciliation and I hope you can find this gift--you can contact me at ncan@sonic.net in case you need a referral of someone to talk with. I will hold your troubled spirit in my prayers. Peace, Fr. Rod