Oct 6, 2010
Ive been diagnosed with parotid gland disease ....I recently went to the dentist and they said there is not much they can do meaning it is not reversible...Im finding that its kid of ruining my life since I dont work due to the disease....I was diagnosed in 05, its ironic I put myresume on the net and get calls everyday but my wife says why work when the disability pays as much as u would make working after gas, food..etc...I know she is right but Im extrememly stubborn,,,,we recently lost our house to a short sale...well...we gave it back...the maintenance was too much for me in my condition and I could not handle the well...people who lived around me ....bumming money.....etc....now we are in an apartment which is much easier but I still feel like all I worked for is going down the toilet beciase of my illness....I had a bad case of menegitis which almst killed me and left me cognitively challeged to say the least, I have been going to the VA for therapy once a week for 3 years,,it helps somewhat but then I feel like Im a sounding board for all the other vets standing around...I dont look like Im sick and I always listen when people tell me...:you dont want to go what I went through" Inside Im thinking Ive been to hell and back but I carry myself welll and have pride still after working for 30 yrs. At 47 I feel like Im just standing still while the world revolves.....my check comes every month like clockwork and financially we seem to be better off than some....I do have a hard time keeping up with everything though....I feel like Im running trying to put out fires everyday even though Im almost 50 and diagnosed aids.....sometimes I feel like giving up but I have an 8 yr old....when I did go see a shrink and told him my story he looked up from his desk and started crying...I told him everything about my past...abuse as a child, homelessness, then creating a life going to college buying 2 houses and having a child just to see it all fall apart again...my wife has stood by me and I really dont think she is a ware how sick I really am....she just says an asteroid couldnt kill you...Itys comforting but in reality Im struggling unbelievably....I have people who call for bills...colectors and I just ignore them anymore......There is nothing I can do about that anyway...Ive found myself just hangin out anymore......I dont have the drive and energy anymore and find myself in a neighborhood of others who seem to just chill out daily as it will.......Its not what I expected but its like if the show fits wear it.....I think Im going to figure it out then I get sideswiped again so I just say "Fu^^ it" I know its not right but I really feel there is no alternative. My wifes father says screw it you paid your dues...just hang out....so I hang out...my problem and question is...shoudl I feel guilty about this and is it selfish to just say screw it? Ive seen first hand the stigma attatched in the workplace...if u cant concentrate correctly u get laughed at written up and eventually terminated..... can only fight so long...I feel like I got both fingers in the air flippin off the world....what is wrong with me?
Response from Dr. Henry
Some forms of parotid disease are treatable so would discuss with your HIV Provider. Your stress situation is impressive and intimidating so hard to provide useful advice via limited web advice service. I would discuss with your HIV Provider what counseling and psych options are available to you. The economy remains in the huge doldrums so finding a job or getting re-trained or more education is easier said than done. I find that moderate amounts of exercise and volunteer work can provide physical, mental, and spiritual relief for many patients so you may want to do more walking (outside!) at least then standing around and contact several local AIDS Service organizations to see if they can offer you any assistance and/or provide opportunities for volunteering. KH
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