Afraid you have HIV? Talk and let the stress out!
Jan 29, 1998
had my test results today, but I want to share with others about how I waited the 6 months and went through shear hell.
There wasn't a single day went by that I didn't think of a million reasons why I was HIV and every ache, pain or swelling was the beginning of the end.
Guilt and fear ruled my life for 6 whole months, never knowing really what to look for and in ignorance I looked at evrything that I could and ended up diagnosing myself on every dull ache or sore that I had.
The sore throats, the cold, sneezing, the flu symptoms. I was on my way to the grave I was convinced.
In desparation I trawled through the Internet and books looking up symptoms for HIV, every time I found something new and every time I knew at some point I had had that symptom. I began thinking of terrible "What if" scenarios, what would I do, where could I go, why was there so much
conflicting information, would no one tell me staright what I was to expect...?
I found this site by shear chance, or was it, many was the night that I prayed to departed loved ones and the Almighty himself for strength and help, I am in no way a religeous person but I cannot explain it but I did feel strength come to me, it helped me make it through the 6 months.
It was Ricks words that helped the most, and also not being afraid to confide in someone and have a good cry, let the stress out, it is like a pressure boiler, eventually all that pressure has to be releived or else it all blows !!!! BOOM !....I talked, the pressure was releived, it
built up again but I cried and I howled some nights, and the next day was that bit more bearable.
Dr Sowadsky's information and emails were monumental in helping me through this period, I didn't come on here evry night, I think I only sent 2 emails in all, but the wealth of information and quality of information was phenominal.
All I can reitterate is that if you beleive you are HIV infected just hang in there, there isn't anything you can do untill the test results come back. It "is" hell, some people handle it better than others but just don't go through it on your own, get a friend , priest, nurse, councellor, even a pet, and TALK !
I've lived that hell, I've thought of suicide too, but I held in there, I talked and guess what...?
After 6 months wait..........I was Negative.....Life does go on.....!!!
Thanks Rick, hope that my experiences can help someone face the days a bit better....
Response from Mr. Sowadsky
Thank you for your comments and suggestions. I'm sure your suggestions will be helpful to others who are in your situation.
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